Something brought you here. Maybe you are trying to understand why a relationship felt so wrong for so long. Maybe someone finally named what you experienced as narcissistic abuse and you are trying to work out what that means. Maybe you are still in it and not sure yet what you are dealing with.
Whatever brought you here, you are in the right place. This page will give you a clear starting point — no jargon, no minimising, no pressure to be further along than you are.
First: What You Are Not
You are not crazy. You are not too sensitive. You are not the problem.
Those are the three things survivors most commonly believe by the time they start looking for answers. They are also the three things that narcissistic abuse is specifically designed to make you believe. Understanding that is the first step.
What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of psychological and emotional harm that occurs when one person in a relationship consistently prioritises their own ego, control, and self-image over the wellbeing of the other person.
It is not always loud or obvious. In fact, it often is not. It can look like a partner who is charming in public and cruel in private. A parent whose love came with conditions attached. A friend who always made you feel somehow not quite enough.
The harm is real even when it leaves no visible marks. The confusion, self-doubt, exhaustion, and loss of identity that survivors describe are the predictable results of specific patterns — not a reflection of your weakness or failure.
How It Works
Idealisation (Love Bombing)
The relationship begins with intensity. You feel chosen, deeply seen, and understood. This creates a powerful bond — and sets a standard you will later be held to.
Devaluation
Gradually, or sometimes suddenly, the warmth disappears. Criticism, contempt, gaslighting, and withdrawal replace it. You try harder to get back to how things were. This effort is the trap.
Discard or Reset
The relationship either ends — often abruptly, often with someone else already in place — or it resets back to idealisation, restarting the cycle. This reset feels like the person you fell in love with has returned. It is not.
What Recovery Looks Like
Recovery from narcissistic abuse is not a single event and it is not linear. Most survivors move back and forth between stages. What matters is the overall direction of travel.
It begins with naming what happened accurately. Then with understanding why leaving felt impossible, or why you still feel pulled toward the person who harmed you. Then with slowly rebuilding your sense of reality and your identity — both of which narcissistic abuse specifically targets.
It takes time. It also takes the right information, and often the right support.
Where To Go From Here
This site is built around the recovery journey. Here is the most useful next step depending on where you are right now:
If you are still trying to understand what happened
Read the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery page. It covers the abuse cycle, recovery stages, and what supports healing in detail.
If you are ready to go deeper
Visit the Blog for specific topics including gaslighting, C-PTSD, the trauma bond, and rebuilding your identity.
If you want support
Visit Work With Me to find out about working together directly.
You Are Not Behind
You are exactly where the work requires you to be right now. Recovery is not a race and there is no correct timeline. There is only the next honest step.
Continue to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery