A healthy relationship should feel safe, respectful, and supportive. You should feel valued and emotionally secure.
But toxic relationships do the opposite. They drain your energy, damage your self-esteem, and leave emotional wounds that are hard to heal.
Toxic relationships aren’t always romantic. They can happen between friends, family members, and even colleagues. In this guide, you’ll learn 10 clear signs of a toxic relationship, how they show up in daily life, and what steps you can take to protect yourself.
1. Lack of Trust
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When it’s missing, doubt replaces connection, and anxiety takes over.
How it shows up:
You catch your partner in frequent lies. They hide things from you. Even minor dishonesty starts to add up and creates constant tension.
What you can do:
Start writing down the moments when trust is broken. This can help you spot patterns and reflect on how it affects your mental health.
Helpful tool: Psychology Today’s Relationship Checklist helps identify toxic dynamics.
2. Emotional Manipulation
Emotional manipulation distorts your reality. It’s used to confuse, control, or guilt-trip you into submission.
How it shows up:
You speak up about something that upset you. Instead of being heard, you’re told you’re “too sensitive” or “imagining things.”
What you can do:
Learn the signs of gaslighting and manipulation. Knowing how it works helps you detach emotionally.
Helpful tool: The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers a detailed guide to recognising gaslighting.
3. Controlling Behaviour
In a toxic dynamic, control is disguised as love or concern. But it’s really about power.
How it shows up:
Your partner demands your passwords, tracks your whereabouts, or isolates you from loved ones.
What you can do:
Start reclaiming control over small areas of your life. Reconnect with friends or protect your personal time.
Helpful tool: ReachOut Australia shares advice on setting healthy boundaries.
4. Verbal or Physical Abuse
Abuse can be emotional, verbal, or physical. It’s never okay—and it’s a clear sign you’re in danger.
How it shows up:
You’re regularly insulted, threatened, mocked, or physically harmed during conflict.
What you can do:
If you’re in immediate danger, seek help now. Don’t wait for things to get worse.
In Australia: Call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit 1800respect.org.au
5. No Respect for Boundaries
In toxic relationships, your needs and limits are often ignored. You may feel like your space and privacy don’t matter.
How it shows up:
You ask for time alone, but your partner shows up anyway. They call or message non-stop until you respond.
What you can do:
Use clear boundary-setting language like: “I need space right now. Please respect that.”
Helpful tool: Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab offers grounded, practical advice on how to set strong boundaries.
6. Constant Criticism
Toxic criticism isn’t meant to help—it’s meant to harm. It slowly breaks down your confidence and sense of self.
How it shows up:
Your partner constantly puts you down—criticising your looks, job, or decisions in a way that makes you feel small.
What you can do:
Write down five things you like about yourself. Reconnect with your strengths and worth.
Helpful tool: MindSpot Clinic offers free mental health support and resilience programs in Australia.
7. Ongoing, Unresolved Conflict
Disagreements happen in all relationships. But in toxic ones, issues never get resolved. They build up and cause long-term resentment.
How it shows up:
Every time you try to talk things through, the discussion turns into a fight—or your concerns are ignored completely.
What you can do:
Practice calm, honest communication. See if your partner is willing to meet you halfway.
Helpful tool: The Gottman Institute provides evidence-based tools for healthy communication and conflict resolution.
8. No Emotional Support
Healthy relationships offer emotional care and empathy. Toxic ones leave you feeling alone, even when you’re not.
How it shows up:
When you express stress, sadness, or worry, your partner tells you to “get over it” or says you’re being dramatic.
What you can do:
Reach out to friends or a counsellor who listens and supports you. You need that, and you deserve it.
Helpful tool: BetterHelp connects you with licensed therapists online.
9. Power Imbalance
One person dominates. The other stays silent. This can involve control over money, decisions, or how you spend your time.
How it shows up:
Your partner makes all the choices. You feel like your opinions never matter.
What you can do:
Start small—take back power over how you spend your time, money, or who you talk to.
Helpful tool: Relationships Australia provides counselling, legal help, and safety planning.
10. Repeating Harmful Patterns
Toxic relationships follow cycles—abuse, apology, honeymoon, repeat. This pattern rarely changes unless serious action is taken.
How it shows up:
Your partner says sorry and promises to change, but the same behaviours keep happening again and again.
What you can do:
Draw a timeline of your relationship. It helps you see if patterns are shifting—or just repeating.
Helpful tool: The Duluth Model’s Power & Control Wheel shows how abuse cycles operate.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Better
Realising you’re in a toxic relationship is painful—but it’s also powerful. Awareness is the first step toward freedom and healing.
You are not broken. You are not alone. And you are worthy of love that respects and uplifts you.
Where to Get Help
- Australia: 1800 RESPECT – 24/7 crisis support
- Global: Love Is Respect – Education and help for young people
- Mental Health: MindSpot Clinic – Free online therapy for Australians
- Counselling: BetterHelp – Affordable therapy from anywhere
Next Steps: Reclaim Your Power
- Reflect: Which signs speak to your situation?
- Journal: Write down how the relationship impacts your mental and emotional health.
- Reach Out: Speak to someone you trust—or contact a professional.
- Set Boundaries: Begin with one clear area, like your time or phone.
- Plan Your Exit: If you’re unsafe, make a support plan to leave.
You don’t have to keep living this way. A better life—and better relationships—are possible. The first move is choosing you.