Introduction
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and damaging. Narcissists often have inflated egos, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy, making it difficult for their partners to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.
In this article, we will explore the key signs that indicate you may be in a relationship with a narcissist, including covert narcissism tactics. Understanding these behaviours can help you recognize the warning signs, set boundaries, and protect your mental well-being.
Key Signs of Narcissistic Behaviour
1. Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance
A narcissist often has an exaggerated sense of their own achievements, talents, or abilities. They constantly seek admiration and attention, believing they are superior to others. This can manifest as:
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Bragging excessively about their successes while dismissing others’ accomplishments.
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Acting as though they are the smartest person in the room and refusing to listen to others.
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Exaggerating their influence or connections to make themselves seem more important.
Example: Your partner constantly reminds you that they are the reason for your success, taking credit for your achievements, and belittling your contributions.
2. Lack of Empathy
Narcissists struggle to empathize with others, making them dismissive or indifferent to your emotions and needs. They rarely take responsibility for their actions and may even blame you for their shortcomings.
Example: When you express feeling hurt by something they said, they respond with, “You’re too sensitive. I was just joking.” Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they dismiss them.
3. Manipulation and Exploitation
Narcissists use manipulation to get what they want. They often employ covert narcissistic tactics such as:
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Gaslighting: Making you question your reality by denying things they said or did.
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Triangulation: Bringing in a third party to manipulate or control the situation.
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Silent Treatment: Ignoring you as a form of punishment and control.
Example: You catch your partner flirting with someone else, and when you confront them, they say, “You’re imagining things. You’re just insecure.” This is classic gaslighting.
4. Excessive Need for Admiration
Narcissists crave constant validation. They fish for compliments, brag about their achievements, and demand praise.
Example: They post pictures on social media daily, seeking validation, and become upset if they don’t get enough likes or comments.
5. Sense of Entitlement
They believe they deserve special treatment and expect others to cater to their needs without question.
Example: Your partner expects you to prioritize their plans but refuses to accommodate yours, making excuses about why their needs are more important.
6. Lack of Accountability
Narcissists avoid taking responsibility for their actions and blame others for their mistakes.
Example: If they forget your anniversary, instead of apologizing, they say, “You should have reminded me.”
7. Emotional Volatility and Mood Swings
They can be charming one moment and aggressive the next, especially when their ego is threatened.
Example: They shower you with affection in public but criticize you behind closed doors if you don’t meet their expectations.
8. Difficulty Accepting Criticism
Even constructive criticism is seen as an attack, leading to defensiveness or hostility.
Example: If you gently suggest a way they could improve, they lash out, saying, “You always find something wrong with me!”
9. Lack of Genuine Intimacy
Narcissists struggle with forming deep, authentic emotional connections. They often maintain surface-level relationships that serve their interests.
Example: You realize they never truly listen when you share your feelings or struggles, only engaging in conversations when they are the focus.
How Covert Narcissism Differs
Covert narcissists are more subtle in their tactics, making them harder to identify. Unlike overt narcissists who seek attention openly, covert narcissists use:
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Passive-aggression – Making subtle, cutting remarks that undermine your confidence.
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Victimhood – Playing the victim to avoid responsibility.
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Fake Humility – Pretending to be modest while subtly seeking admiration.
Example: Instead of bragging outright, they might say, “I always work so hard, but no one appreciates me.” This invites compliments and sympathy.
Coping Strategies: How to Protect Yourself
If you recognize these behaviours in your partner, here are steps to safeguard your well-being:
1. Establish Firm Boundaries
Clearly define what behaviour you will and won’t tolerate. Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries.
Example: If they use the silent treatment as punishment, let them know you will not engage until they communicate respectfully