1. Inflated Sense of Self-Importance
Narcissists often have an exaggerated view of their abilities and achievements. They will often even re-story things to make them the main character in the stories they tell. A narcissist often needs constant admiration whether overtly or covertly, believing they are superior to others. This can manifest as bragging about their successes, dismissing others’ accomplishments, or exaggerating their influence. A narcissist will often dismiss your needs in favour of theirs.
Example: Your partner frequently reminds you that they are the reason for your success, taking credit for your achievements and belittling your contributions.
Research supports this, showing narcissists often exhibit grandiosity and a need for admiration. Read the study here.
2. Lack of Empathy
A hallmark of narcissism is a lack of genuine empathy. If they do show empathy it is usually fake, something they have learned they need to do, rather than being a sincere response. Narcissists may be dismissive or indifferent to your emotions and needs, and they rarely take responsibility for their actions. They might even blame you for their shortcomings. So too, their apologies are often hollow, empty words with no substance.
Example: When you express hurt, they respond with, “You’re too sensitive. I was just joking,” dismissing your feelings instead of acknowledging them.
Studies confirm that a lack of empathy disrupts healthy interpersonal relationships. Explore the findings.
3. Manipulation and Exploitation
Narcissists are master manipulators, and they enjoy it. With their lack of empathy, manipulating and exploiting others is just another tool they use to achieve their goals, through lying, gaining your sympathies and playing the victim or the controller, whichever mask they need to put on to achieve their goals. Common tactics include gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment.
Example: You catch your partner flirting with someone, and when you confront them, they say, “You’re imagining things. You’re just insecure.” You catch them outright cheating, with evidence, and they will still lie to your face! The goal here is to frustrate and enrage you, so that you are now the blame for your behaviour and the excuse for them to walk out on you or worse, become abusive.
These behaviours can severely impact mental health. Read more here.
4. Excessive Need for Admiration
Narcissists crave constant validation. They may brag, fish for compliments, and become upset if they don’t receive the attention they seek. They may indulge themselves in multiple covert relationships with people who are unaware of their manipulation and need for constant supply and attention.
Example: They post constantly on social media and get moody when engagement is low.
This excessive need is a key feature of narcissistic personality disorder. Learn more here.
5. Sense of Entitlement
Narcissists have an inflated sense of entitlement, often expecting special treatment and justify unfair behaviour by believing they are superior. They feel entitled to manipulate to get what they want; to lie and cheat because they are “special”; and expect to smooth it all over with fake apologies and promises to improve or get help.
Example: Your partner expects you to adjust to their plans but won’t compromise for you. They will not tolerate you doing to them what they do to you, but will expect endless “chances” and “do-overs”.
This trait is consistently found in narcissistic individuals. See research.
6. Lack of Accountability
Narcissists avoid taking responsibility and shifting blame to others. They will make up stories that are often a mixture of lies and truth to keep you confused and doubt yourself. Confronting a narcissist can lead to anger or stonewalling.
Example: They forget your birthday and say, “You should have reminded me.”
This lack of accountability is well-documented. Find out more.
7. Emotional Volatility and Mood Swings
Narcissists can flip between charm and hostility, especially when their ego is threatened. When confronted a narcissist will often deflect, ignore you, or cause a fight to justify walking out on you. This unpredictable behaviour keeps you tiptoeing around them, walking on glass, and appeasing them to keep the peace. They can go from adoring and love-bombing to complete disconnection and stonewalling you for days or even weeks.
Example: They’re affectionate in public but cold and critical at home.
Such behaviour is common among those with narcissistic traits. Read the article.
8. Difficulty Accepting Criticism
Constructive feedback is often met with hostility. Narcissists may see any form of critique as a personal attack. Some will outwardly become enraged while others who are more covert will save it up as a back mark against you and payback will be subtle, unpredictable, but guaranteed to come sooner or later. At their core a narcissist is insecure, no matter how grandiose they may appear outwardly. They take criticism very badly.
Example: You offer gentle advice, and they respond with anger, saying, “You always criticise me”.
This is a known behavioural pattern in narcissists. Details here.
9. Lack of Genuine Intimacy
Relationships with narcissists are often superficial. They struggle to form deep, emotional connections. They are wearing a mask and play a role, whichever role will get them what they want at any time. One day they are telling you they love you and the next they are cold, harsh, and abusive. A narcissist may appear to be listening to you, but are seriously uninterested in what you have to say.
Example: They tune out when you speak about your feelings, only engaging when they are the focus.
This lack of intimacy can leave you feeling isolated. See the study.
Protecting Yourself
If you resonate with any of the examples here, it is vital to protect yourself. Recognising these signs is critical for your emotional and psychological safety. If these narcissistic behaviours reflect your experience, seek support from a mental health professional, gain knowledge from others, or from websites and communities such as this. Establishing firm boundaries, practising self-care, and staying connected to trusted friends or support networks can help you reclaim your wellbeing.
You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and safe.
Visit The NarcSlayer for more resources, guidance, and support on healing from narcissistic abuse.