May 12, 2025 | Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships
Have you been told “You’re crazy” lately? Starting to think that you are losing your mind? Doubting your sense of reality? This is exactly what crazy-making means and it occurs in narcissistic and dysfunctional abusive relationships. You are not weak, you know you are not “making things up”. If you have someone making you doubt your reality, you are not alone. Whilst many think it is only in intimate emotional relationships, it can also occur in dysfunctional families. It is a very cruel and dangerous form of psychological abuse.
What Is Crazy Making?
In this blog, we will discuss and identify the patterns of manipulation used by narcissists and toxic people to make you doubt your own sanity.
I experienced this firsthand from my own family. As the scapegoat, the dumping ground for family trauma, from people who lie and re-story the truth to suit a narrative. It is a nasty, nasty form of manipulation. I first heard the term when I had to break out of “the family” and seek help. I had been so manipulated, gaslit, lied to and lied about that I thought maybe they are right, maybe I am crazy. Knowing I could not trust them, I went to a counsellor and described what I was experiencing. I told her “If I am crazy, please just tell me what I should do. If you want me to take a pill or lock me up, I’m ready. I cannot take any more of this.”
Not only did this counsellor not doubt me, but she described to me the concept of “crazy making”, a deeply unsettling form of psychological manipulation often used by narcissists and emotionally abusive individuals to distort a person’s reality. It is cruel. It is damaging. It is heart-breaking. This manipulation causes confusion, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion, leaving you to doubt your reality, unsure of what is real and what is fabricated. Unable to trust yourself, nor anyone else.
This is a tactic frequently seen in toxic relationships, designed to destabilise a person’s mental state and erode their confidence in their own perceptions. By recognising these patterns, you can begin to reclaim your reality and establish personal boundaries to protect yourself from this evil form of abuse.
How Crazy Making Works
Crazy making isn’t one behaviour. It is a pattern of manipulation. Here are the most common tactics used by narcissists and the abusers in your life:
1. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a core technique in crazy making. It involves denying facts, rewriting events, and making you, the victim, question your memory and your sanity. Phrases like “You’re overreacting” to physical violence, or “That never happened” when holding people accountable, are classic examples of my own experiences at the hands of my “loved ones”. This could be your family, it could be your spouse, your partner, your love interest, or your friend.
2. Contradictory Statements
Manipulators regularly change their story or contradict themselves. This inconsistency creates confusion and encourages you to second-guess your reality. I witnessed this in my own family, my mother and my siblings. They made one fatal mistake that brought them all undone – they didn’t compare notes and agree on the same story. It was clear they were deflecting and scapegoating me, and nobody cared what it did to me.
3. Shifting the Blame
Next, narcissists and toxic families refuse to take any responsibility for the state of the relationship. Rather than taking responsibility, the manipulator/s shifts the blame onto you. You get to be the dumping ground for their behaviour. They deflect and deny that they deliberately trigger you, and set you up to knock down. Over time, this leads to guilt and shame, fear and self-doubt. Your reality is denied.
4. Projection
This is a favourite tool for abusers, especially narcissists, who cannot own their behaviour. Projection involves accusing you of the behaviours of the manipulator. Unable to face themselves, they project their abusive natures onto you; projecting their fear and insecurity at seeing themselves for who they have chosen to be to you. This behaviour is a clear admission of guilt, of their dishonesty or infidelity. This further undermines your ability to trust yourself.
5. Emotional Manipulation
I used to say that my family “slap me down with one hand, and pick me up with the other”. By alternating between affection and cruelty, abusers create an emotional rollercoaster that leaves you feeling unbalanced and desperate for validation. You won’t get it from them. This can cause you to fight, flee, fawn or freeze – typical fight or flight behaviours of those traumatised by the people they love. I did all of that at various times. It shocks you. It confuses you. It causes you to emotionally shut down and erodes your sense of self. They just love to trigger you to react, to explode, or be silent – either way, it doesn’t matter to them, as long as they do not have to deal with their shame.
6. Silent Treatment and Withholding Affection
Have no doubt, when they are ignoring you or withdrawing affection it is used as a form of punishment and control. This creates emotional dependency and reinforces power imbalances. You may find yourself being codependent, fawning, and even apologising for your reactions to their covert abuse. Stonewalling, ghosting, isolating – call it what you will. It is no mistake, and yes, it is part of the abuse and the control. It is meant to hurt you. It tells you that you do not matter.
Read more on emotional abuse via The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
The Psychological Effects of Crazy Making
Long-term and repeated exposure to these tactics will seriously impact mental and emotional health with devastating results:
- Chronic Stress & Anxiety: Constant manipulation leads to mental tension and physiological symptoms.
- Depression: Feelings of hopelessness and low self-worth are common outcomes.
- Cognitive Dissonance: Victims struggle to reconcile contradictory behaviour, causing mental fatigue.
- Loss of Self-Trust: Manipulation undermines confidence in your judgement.
- PTSD & C-PTSD: Long-term emotional abuse may result in trauma-related disorders.
Verywell Mind: Understanding Complex PTSD
How to Recognise and Protect Yourself from Crazy Making
Awareness is the first step to freedom. When I became aware that this was a reality, so many things clicked into place. If you suspect you’re being manipulated, made out to be “crazy”, and stonewalled and silenced if you speak out, here’s how to protect yourself:
Trust Your Gut
Listen to your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is. Keep a journal of conversations and events to help maintain clarity. Typical of narcissists and toxic people, they will deny it all, even with evidence. They will claim you are lying, you “act” like a victim when in fact, you are being victimised – big difference!
Set Strong Boundaries
Learn about boundaries. Learn to choose what you value and what you are willing to tolerate or not. Clearly define what behaviour is unacceptable and enforce those boundaries consistently, without apology, without guilt. Boundaries are to protect yourself, not to punish others. I set strong boundaries on physical violence. I warned my birth family, “If the violence and abuse doesn’t stop, I will leave and never come back.” That was 25 years ago. They haven’t changed. I have. Boundaries are essential.
Limit Contact
If the crazy making continues, and is then shared amongst others to use as tactics to reduce your credibility, cut ties and move on as best as you can, as soon as possible. Reducing interactions with those who would use these tactics to silence you and confuse you is self-care and self-respect. Refusal to be drawn into their lies and gaslighting is self-preservation. Avoid debating them. See their actions as deliberately trying to trigger you into a rage, tears, or both! This satisfies them and in their mind, proves them right – you are crazy! You will undoubtedly see their smirk of contempt when they achieve this. Instead, have ready some positive reinforcing statements. Borrow some of mine if you like: “I am an intelligent and reasonable person. I will not tolerate you narrating my life to me. I know my reality. The abuse stops with me.” Speak your truth without apology.
Build a Support Network
Seeking help is not weak, it is a superpower that will reinforce your strength and validate your reality. If you have trusted friends who know what’s going on, seek solace in them. Getting a counsellor or psychologist who understands this behaviour is a lifesaver for your sanity. Validation from such people will ground your reality. You will find the courage to do what is best for you when you have a support network outside of the narcissistic dynamics that enforce control via “crazy making”.
Visit 1800RESPECT for counselling and support services in Australia.
Practice Regular Self-Care
Self-care is self-love. It is important to engage in activities that nurture you. You may find help in practising mindfulness, yoga, journaling, or spending time in nature. A massage, a detox, ensuring you care for your body, mind and soul. I find being in water is a great way to dissolve the tension that you hold in your body.
Educate Yourself
Learning about narcissistic abuse and emotional manipulation arms you with the tools to recognise unhealthy patterns. Read, watch, and follow trusted sources for validation and empowerment. Do not under any circumstances allow yourself to play the fool any longer. There is such a thing as crazy-making. It is a vicious nasty tool used by weak people that you once trusted. Seeking help and knowledge has been key to my sanity, validation, and healing. May it be yours too.
Explore mental health resources at Beyond Blue
Final Thoughts
Crazy making is not a simple disagreement. It is a deliberate, targeted strategy to undermine and control you. To break and dismiss you if you dare speak your truth. If you’re experiencing these tactics, know that you are not alone, and it is not your fault. It is not okay. It is cruel.
By learning to identify the tools of narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships; by setting firm boundaries, and seeking support, you can regain control over your mental and emotional wellbeing. You deserve clarity, respect, and healthy relationships built on honesty and mutual care.
✨ Remember: You are not imagining things. Trust yourself. Seek support. Heal at your own pace. Please disconnect from those who abuse you. Do it sooner, rather than later. You are stronger than you know.
May 12, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, Toxic Relationships
Introduction
Narcissistic or other toxic relationships can be hard to spot immediately. Often in hindsight we recognise the red flags as more of them appear. Whether starting, or in the middle of a relationship, whether it is a romantic relationship, has family ties, friends, or even in a work setting, it can be difficult to recognise emotional harm as it unfolds. Manipulation often starts subtly, slowly undermining your confidence and boundaries. This Relationships Red Flags Checklist will help you identify red flags in behaviour, communication, and emotional patterns. Use this guide to clarify and validate your suspicions. Your emotional and psychological wellbeing is important. Read on…
Communication Red Flags
- Avoids honest conversations or becomes defensive when challenged
- Frequently contradicts themselves, causing confusion or self-doubt
- Shifts blame to avoid accountability
- Denies previous statements or commitments
- Makes you feel as though you’re walking on eggshells
Emotional Red Flags
- Excessive flattery or affection early on (love bombing), followed by withdrawal
- A constant feeling that something’s “not quite right”
- Dismisses or minimises your emotions
- Uses guilt to influence your behaviour
- Leaves you feeling anxious, emotionally drained, or confused
Psychological Red Flags
- Engages in gaslighting—making you doubt your memories or perceptions
- Uses passive-aggressive or coercive tactics to control the narrative
- Switches between charm and punishment to confuse you
- Resents your independence or growth
- Isolates you from your support system (friends, family, community)
Respect & Boundary Red Flags
- Dismisses your need for personal space or autonomy
- Acts as if entitled to your time, body, or emotional labour
- Disguises criticism as “just joking” or “being honest”
- Mocks or downplays your boundaries and beliefs
- Makes you feel “too sensitive” for having limits
Behavioural Red Flags
- History of unstable or chaotic relationships
- Patterns of dishonesty, addiction, or uncontrolled anger
- Displays little or no empathy for your experiences
- Holds you to standards they refuse to meet themselves
- Refuses to take responsibility for hurtful behaviour
✅ Self-Reflection Questions
- Do I feel emotionally and physically safe in this relationship?
- Can I express myself honestly without fear of retaliation?
- Does this relationship support my growth and values?
- Am I compromising who I am in order to maintain peace?
Conclusion
Recognising red flags isn’t about placing blame, it’s about confirming and affirming your right to emotional and psychological safety. If these signs feel familiar, trust your instincts. You have a right to question, set healthy boundaries, and walk away from what harms you. You do not need permission to make decisions for what is right for you.
While some red flags may be manageable. If you find that there are quite a few that you recognise and experience, it may be time to reconsider the relationshiop dynamics. You deserve relationships built on mutual respect, care, and integrity. Awareness is the beginning of empowerment.
May 12, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety, Toxic Relationships
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is often misunderstood — not just by the public, but even within clinical settings. Many associate the term narcissist with selfishness or arrogance. But in truth, NPD is a deeply rooted psychological condition that often stems from unhealed emotional wounds.
According to the DSM-5, NPD is defined by a persistent pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Individuals with NPD often have difficulty forming genuine connections and may experience emotional emptiness beneath the surface of their confidence.
Is Healing from NPD Really Possible?
This is one of the most common — and controversial — questions in psychology: Can a narcissist change?
Some experts argue that because personality disorders are ingrained in an individual’s psychological makeup, full recovery is rare. Others, however, maintain that change is absolutely possible, especially when a person is willing to do the inner work.
As Dr. Elsa Ronningstam of Harvard Medical School explains in her research, “Change is possible, particularly when narcissistic traits are recognised as defensive adaptations rather than fixed traits.” (Source: Harvard Health)
While transformation takes time, therapy, and commitment, recovery is possible — especially when supported by skilled clinicians and a strong therapeutic alliance.
What Causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
While there’s no single cause, experts believe that NPD often develops from a combination of:
- Childhood trauma, neglect, or excessive criticism
- Overindulgent parenting or unrealistic praise
- Genetic and neurobiological factors
- Dysfunctional early relationships and attachment issues
These experiences may cause a child to develop an inflated self-image as a way of protecting against deep-seated feelings of inadequacy or shame.
Can a Narcissist Change? Yes — But It’s a Journey
The short answer is yes, narcissists can change — but not without self-awareness, motivation, and the right support.
NPD is resistant to change largely because individuals may struggle to see their behaviours as problematic. Many people with NPD live in denial or defensiveness, using these mechanisms to avoid shame or vulnerability.
But when they are willing to reflect, take accountability, and engage in therapy — especially during times of emotional crisis or relational breakdown — change becomes not only possible, but deeply meaningful.
Treatment Options for Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Healing from NPD is not about “fixing” someone. It’s about creating space for growth, insight, emotional resilience, and more authentic relationships.
1. Psychotherapy (Talk Therapy)
Psychotherapy is considered the gold standard in NPD treatment. It helps individuals uncover the emotional pain beneath their defensive personas.
Common modalities include:
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Focuses on identifying and changing distorted thinking patterns.
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): Helps with emotion regulation and distress tolerance.
- Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores unconscious motivations and early developmental trauma.
Read more about therapy options for personality disorders via the National Library of Medicine.
2. Group Therapy
Though intimidating for many with NPD, group therapy can offer profound benefits. It allows individuals to:
- Receive honest feedback in a supportive setting
- Practise healthy social interactions
- Witness how others manage similar issues
Group work helps to gently erode the grandiose self-image and promote relational healing.
3. Medication for Co-Occurring Conditions
There’s currently no medication approved specifically for NPD. However, many individuals with NPD experience co-occurring mental health issues, such as:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Borderline features
- Substance misuse
In such cases, antidepressants or mood stabilisers may help manage distressing symptoms, making it easier to participate in therapy.
4. Boundary Setting and Self-Care Practices
Learning to set healthy emotional and relational boundaries is a major part of the healing journey — both for individuals with NPD and those in relationships with them.
For individuals with NPD, this means:
- Respecting others’ emotional space
- Recognising the impact of their actions
- Practising self-regulation and accountability
Self-care might also include:
- Meditation or mindfulness
- Journaling for self-reflection
- Compassion-focused therapy
- Time in nature or creative hobbies
5. Motivation to Change: The Key Ingredient
No amount of therapy or support can create lasting change without motivation. This is often the biggest hurdle.
A skilled therapist will help foster this motivation by:
- Exploring underlying emotions
- Helping the individual connect with authentic vulnerability
- Highlighting the consequences of narcissistic behaviours
- Encouraging new relational experiences
Explore this research article on change processes in NPD.
Recovery Is Not Linear — But It Is Possible
Healing from NPD is not about perfection. It’s about making progress: learning to see oneself more clearly, treating others with greater care, and building a more authentic self.
Common challenges on the road to recovery may include:
- Resistance to feedback
- Difficulty tolerating vulnerability
- Periods of regression
- Shame and guilt surfacing
But with perseverance, support, and a willingness to grow, individuals with NPD can experience meaningful transformation.
For Loved Ones: Supporting Someone with NPD
If someone in your life has NPD, supporting them can be emotionally draining. You are not responsible for their healing, but your role matters.
What can help:
- Setting clear boundaries
- Avoiding enabling behaviours
- Seeking support for yourself (e.g. therapy or support groups)
- Encouraging professional help, without forcing it
Your wellbeing matters too. Take care of your emotional safety and don’t be afraid to walk away if the relationship becomes toxic or abusive.
Final Thoughts: The Possibility of Healing
Narcissistic Personality Disorder can feel like a barrier to connection, empathy, and emotional fulfilment — but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence. With time, therapy, motivation, and compassionate support, healing is possible.
If you or someone you care about is struggling with narcissistic traits, don’t lose hope. Reach out to a qualified therapist with experience in personality disorders. The road may be long, but every step towards insight and connection is a powerful act of courage.
Further Resources
Apr 4, 2025 | Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships
A healthy relationship should feel safe, respectful, and supportive. You should feel valued and emotionally secure.
But toxic relationships do the opposite. They drain your energy, damage your self-esteem, and leave emotional wounds that are hard to heal.
Toxic relationships aren’t always romantic. They can happen between friends, family members, and even colleagues. In this guide, you’ll learn 10 clear signs of a toxic relationship, how they show up in daily life, and what steps you can take to protect yourself.
1. Lack of Trust
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When it’s missing, doubt replaces connection, and anxiety takes over.
How it shows up:
You catch your partner in frequent lies. They hide things from you. Even minor dishonesty starts to add up and creates constant tension.
What you can do:
Start writing down the moments when trust is broken. This can help you spot patterns and reflect on how it affects your mental health.
Helpful tool: Psychology Today’s Relationship Checklist helps identify toxic dynamics.
2. Emotional Manipulation
Emotional manipulation distorts your reality. It’s used to confuse, control, or guilt-trip you into submission.
How it shows up:
You speak up about something that upset you. Instead of being heard, you’re told you’re “too sensitive” or “imagining things.”
What you can do:
Learn the signs of gaslighting and manipulation. Knowing how it works helps you detach emotionally.
Helpful tool: The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers a detailed guide to recognising gaslighting.
3. Controlling Behaviour
In a toxic dynamic, control is disguised as love or concern. But it’s really about power.
How it shows up:
Your partner demands your passwords, tracks your whereabouts, or isolates you from loved ones.
What you can do:
Start reclaiming control over small areas of your life. Reconnect with friends or protect your personal time.
Helpful tool: ReachOut Australia shares advice on setting healthy boundaries.
4. Verbal or Physical Abuse
Abuse can be emotional, verbal, or physical. It’s never okay—and it’s a clear sign you’re in danger.
How it shows up:
You’re regularly insulted, threatened, mocked, or physically harmed during conflict.
What you can do:
If you’re in immediate danger, seek help now. Don’t wait for things to get worse.
In Australia: Call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit 1800respect.org.au
5. No Respect for Boundaries
In toxic relationships, your needs and limits are often ignored. You may feel like your space and privacy don’t matter.
How it shows up:
You ask for time alone, but your partner shows up anyway. They call or message non-stop until you respond.
What you can do:
Use clear boundary-setting language like: “I need space right now. Please respect that.”
Helpful tool: Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab offers grounded, practical advice on how to set strong boundaries.
6. Constant Criticism
Toxic criticism isn’t meant to help—it’s meant to harm. It slowly breaks down your confidence and sense of self.
How it shows up:
Your partner constantly puts you down—criticising your looks, job, or decisions in a way that makes you feel small.
What you can do:
Write down five things you like about yourself. Reconnect with your strengths and worth.
Helpful tool: MindSpot Clinic offers free mental health support and resilience programs in Australia.
7. Ongoing, Unresolved Conflict
Disagreements happen in all relationships. But in toxic ones, issues never get resolved. They build up and cause long-term resentment.
How it shows up:
Every time you try to talk things through, the discussion turns into a fight—or your concerns are ignored completely.
What you can do:
Practice calm, honest communication. See if your partner is willing to meet you halfway.
Helpful tool: The Gottman Institute provides evidence-based tools for healthy communication and conflict resolution.
8. No Emotional Support
Healthy relationships offer emotional care and empathy. Toxic ones leave you feeling alone, even when you’re not.
How it shows up:
When you express stress, sadness, or worry, your partner tells you to “get over it” or says you’re being dramatic.
What you can do:
Reach out to friends or a counsellor who listens and supports you. You need that, and you deserve it.
Helpful tool: BetterHelp connects you with licensed therapists online.
9. Power Imbalance
One person dominates. The other stays silent. This can involve control over money, decisions, or how you spend your time.
How it shows up:
Your partner makes all the choices. You feel like your opinions never matter.
What you can do:
Start small—take back power over how you spend your time, money, or who you talk to.
Helpful tool: Relationships Australia provides counselling, legal help, and safety planning.
10. Repeating Harmful Patterns
Toxic relationships follow cycles—abuse, apology, honeymoon, repeat. This pattern rarely changes unless serious action is taken.
How it shows up:
Your partner says sorry and promises to change, but the same behaviours keep happening again and again.
What you can do:
Draw a timeline of your relationship. It helps you see if patterns are shifting—or just repeating.
Helpful tool: The Duluth Model’s Power & Control Wheel shows how abuse cycles operate.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Better
Realising you’re in a toxic relationship is painful—but it’s also powerful. Awareness is the first step toward freedom and healing.
You are not broken. You are not alone. And you are worthy of love that respects and uplifts you.
Where to Get Help
Next Steps: Reclaim Your Power
- Reflect: Which signs speak to your situation?
- Journal: Write down how the relationship impacts your mental and emotional health.
- Reach Out: Speak to someone you trust—or contact a professional.
- Set Boundaries: Begin with one clear area, like your time or phone.
- Plan Your Exit: If you’re unsafe, make a support plan to leave.
You don’t have to keep living this way. A better life—and better relationships—are possible. The first move is choosing you.
Apr 2, 2025 | Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships
Think you may be in a relationship with a narcissist? While that is a popular term being thrown around now, there are specific behaviours that will help you identify the narcissist in your life. If you are emotionally and mentally exhausted from being deceived, lied to, cheated on, and changing yourself to appease their demands, you may well be in a toxic narcissistic relationship. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting and psychologically damaging. Narcissists often exhibit traits such as an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a lack of accountability. Their manipulative behaviours can erode your self-esteem and well-being over time. Recognising the signs that you are in a relationship with a narcissist is the first step towards protecting yourself and seeking the support you need.
1. Inflated Sense of Self-Importance
Narcissists often have an exaggerated view of their abilities and achievements. They will often even re-story things to make them the main character in the stories they tell. A narcissist often needs constant admiration whether overtly or covertly, believing they are superior to others. This can manifest as bragging about their successes, dismissing others’ accomplishments, or exaggerating their influence. A narcissist will often dismiss your needs in favour of theirs.
Example: Your partner frequently reminds you that they are the reason for your success, taking credit for your achievements and belittling your contributions.
Research supports this, showing narcissists often exhibit grandiosity and a need for admiration. Read the study here.
2. Lack of Empathy
A hallmark of narcissism is a lack of genuine empathy. If they do show empathy it is usually fake, something they have learned they need to do, rather than being a sincere response. Narcissists may be dismissive or indifferent to your emotions and needs, and they rarely take responsibility for their actions. They might even blame you for their shortcomings. So too, their apologies are often hollow, empty words with no substance.
Example: When you express hurt, they respond with, “You’re too sensitive. I was just joking,” dismissing your feelings instead of acknowledging them.
Studies confirm that a lack of empathy disrupts healthy interpersonal relationships. Explore the findings.
3. Manipulation and Exploitation
Narcissists are master manipulators, and they enjoy it. With their lack of empathy, manipulating and exploiting others is just another tool they use to achieve their goals, through lying, gaining your sympathies and playing the victim or the controller, whichever mask they need to put on to achieve their goals. Common tactics include gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment.
Example: You catch your partner flirting with someone, and when you confront them, they say, “You’re imagining things. You’re just insecure.” You catch them outright cheating, with evidence, and they will still lie to your face! The goal here is to frustrate and enrage you, so that you are now the blame for your behaviour and the excuse for them to walk out on you or worse, become abusive.
These behaviours can severely impact mental health. Read more here.
4. Excessive Need for Admiration
Narcissists crave constant validation. They may brag, fish for compliments, and become upset if they don’t receive the attention they seek. They may indulge themselves in multiple covert relationships with people who are unaware of their manipulation and need for constant supply and attention.
Example: They post constantly on social media and get moody when engagement is low.
This excessive need is a key feature of narcissistic personality disorder. Learn more here.
5. Sense of Entitlement
Narcissists have an inflated sense of entitlement, often expecting special treatment and justify unfair behaviour by believing they are superior. They feel entitled to manipulate to get what they want; to lie and cheat because they are “special”; and expect to smooth it all over with fake apologies and promises to improve or get help.
Example: Your partner expects you to adjust to their plans but won’t compromise for you. They will not tolerate you doing to them what they do to you, but will expect endless “chances” and “do-overs”.
This trait is consistently found in narcissistic individuals. See research.
6. Lack of Accountability
Narcissists avoid taking responsibility and shifting blame to others. They will make up stories that are often a mixture of lies and truth to keep you confused and doubt yourself. Confronting a narcissist can lead to anger or stonewalling.
Example: They forget your birthday and say, “You should have reminded me.”
This lack of accountability is well-documented. Find out more.
7. Emotional Volatility and Mood Swings
Narcissists can flip between charm and hostility, especially when their ego is threatened. When confronted a narcissist will often deflect, ignore you, or cause a fight to justify walking out on you. This unpredictable behaviour keeps you tiptoeing around them, walking on glass, and appeasing them to keep the peace. They can go from adoring and love-bombing to complete disconnection and stonewalling you for days or even weeks.
Example: They’re affectionate in public but cold and critical at home.
Such behaviour is common among those with narcissistic traits. Read the article.
8. Difficulty Accepting Criticism
Constructive feedback is often met with hostility. Narcissists may see any form of critique as a personal attack. Some will outwardly become enraged while others who are more covert will save it up as a back mark against you and payback will be subtle, unpredictable, but guaranteed to come sooner or later. At their core a narcissist is insecure, no matter how grandiose they may appear outwardly. They take criticism very badly.
Example: You offer gentle advice, and they respond with anger, saying, “You always criticise me”.
This is a known behavioural pattern in narcissists. Details here.
9. Lack of Genuine Intimacy
Relationships with narcissists are often superficial. They struggle to form deep, emotional connections. They are wearing a mask and play a role, whichever role will get them what they want at any time. One day they are telling you they love you and the next they are cold, harsh, and abusive. A narcissist may appear to be listening to you, but are seriously uninterested in what you have to say.
Example: They tune out when you speak about your feelings, only engaging when they are the focus.
This lack of intimacy can leave you feeling isolated. See the study.
Protecting Yourself
If you resonate with any of the examples here, it is vital to protect yourself. Recognising these signs is critical for your emotional and psychological safety. If these narcissistic behaviours reflect your experience, seek support from a mental health professional, gain knowledge from others, or from websites and communities such as this. Establishing firm boundaries, practising self-care, and staying connected to trusted friends or support networks can help you reclaim your wellbeing.
You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and safe.
Visit The NarcSlayer for more resources, guidance, and support on healing from narcissistic abuse.
