If you’re reading this, you’re probably not killing time over a cup of tea.
More likely, you’re staring at your phone late at night, replaying conversations, second-guessing your instincts and wondering whether you’re imagining things… or whether your partner is actually cheating.
When you add narcissistic behaviour into the mix – gaslighting, blame-shifting, “you’re crazy” comments – trusting yourself gets even harder.
For some people, hiring a private investigator for a cheating partner becomes the turning point. It’s not about being dramatic; it’s about getting something narcissists hate: evidence and clarity.
In this guide, you’ll find:
What information a private investigator (PI) actually needs
How tech, multiple numbers and AI make cheating easier to hide
Why narcissistic cheating behaviour thrives in this digital mess
How to protect yourself and your privacy through the process
No fluff. Just straight talk so you can make informed decisions.
Why Hire a Private Investigator for Infidelity?
First things first: you are not “paranoid” or “vindictive” for wanting answers.
Cheating – especially when it’s tied up with narcissistic traits – can:
Shred your sense of reality
Trigger old trauma and attachment wounds
Blow up finances, living arrangements and future plans
Because of that, a private investigator for infidelity can play a very specific role. They aren’t there to tell you what to feel. Instead, they:
Observe real-world behaviour
Record what actually happens (not just what you’re told happened)
Provide timelines, reports, photos and videos you can use for closure or in legal settings
However, even the sharpest PI cannot read minds. To avoid wasting time and money, they need you to come in with clear, accurate information.
Before You Call a PI: Quick Reality Check
Most people don’t wake up one day and randomly google “how to catch a cheating partner”. They usually reach that point because:
Something feels “off” but they can’t pin it down
They’ve seen troubling signs and been gaslit into doubting themselves
They need proof for separation, custody or property settlement
They’re desperate to know they’re not losing the plot
You don’t have to be 100% sure before you speak to someone. What helps far more is being organised and honest about what you’ve already noticed.
1. Core Details About Your Partner
Let’s start with the boring but essential stuff. A PI needs to know exactly who they’re watching so they aren’t fumbling around in the dark.
Try to have as much of this ready as possible:
Full name, plus nicknames they actually use
Date of birth (even just month/year is better than nothing)
Mobile number or numbers – including any “work” mobiles
Email addresses – personal, work and any “spare” accounts you know about
Home address and work address
Usual work hours and roster or shift patterns
Vehicle details:
Make, model and colour
Number plate
Other vehicles they regularly drive (work ute, motorbike, friend’s car)
In addition, recent photos help a lot. Different angles, with or without glasses, and in work clothes if relevant, make it easier for the investigator to confirm they’re following the right person.
Example: “We’ve been together 8 years. He works at a warehouse in town, officially 7am–3pm, but lately claims he’s staying until 6 or 7 ‘to help out’. Drives a black Mazda 3, plates XYZ-123.”
The clearer you are here, the smoother (and cheaper) the investigation becomes.
2. Your Relationship Snapshot (Why Context Matters)
Next, your PI needs to understand what “normal” used to look like for you both. Without that context, changes in behaviour are harder to spot.
It helps to explain:
How long you’ve been together
Whether you live together or separately
Whether you’re married, de facto or engaged
Whether there are kids or step-kids involved
How responsibilities are usually split (school runs, housework, bills, pets)
Any big shifts in the last 6–12 months:
New job, gym, hobby or friendship circle
Sudden health kick or intense self-improvement phase
More travel, work trips or “work functions”
On TheNarcSlayer.com, we see this pattern over and over with narcissistic partners. They build plausible cover stories – “I’m focusing on my career”, “I’m finally looking after my health”, “I need more freedom” – while quietly rearranging their life behind the scenes.
Once your PI knows the baseline, they can identify where your partner’s story stops matching their actual behaviour.
3. What’s Actually Making You Suspicious
This is where you drop the “I don’t want to sound crazy” act. You’re not in a courtroom; you’re giving the investigator raw data.
Instead of a vague, “He’s just acting weird,” be specific about:
How he or she has changed
When you notice it most
How often it happens
Common red flags of a cheating – and often narcissistic – partner include:
Suddenly guarding their phone like it’s state-secret material
New passwords, Face ID or lock screen settings that weren’t there before
Phone always turned face-down, on silent or in another room
New “work drinks” or late nights that never used to exist
Snapping or deflecting when you ask basic questions
Changes in intimacy – from cold withdrawal to intense overcompensating
Example: “Every Thursday he says he’s at ‘networking drinks’. There are no photos, no tags, and he can never tell me who was there. When I ask, he gets angry and says I’m paranoid.”
Those details aren’t you being dramatic. They’re patterns, and that’s exactly what investigators watch for.
4. How Phones, Multiple Numbers and Apps Make Cheating Easier
These days, you don’t always find a literal burner phone hidden in the car. Technology has made it simple to run multiple lives from one device, and narcissistic cheaters love that.
Someone can now:
Run several numbers on a single phone
eSIMs, VoIP numbers and app-based lines
“Work” numbers that magically turn into “private” lines after hours
Use separate contact lists so certain names never appear in the main phonebook
Turn on disappearing messages, secret chats and auto-delete features
Hide photos, videos and documents in locked folders or disguised apps
For a person with narcissistic traits, this setup is ideal. It allows them to:
Feel entitled to do whatever they want
Assume they’re smarter than everyone and “too clever” to be caught
Maintain the main relationship at home while juggling extra supply on the side
Because of this, a whole industry has sprung up around multiple numbers, privacy tools and “discreet communication”. There is serious money in making it easier to hide.
New Tools Cheaters Use (and What PIs Watch For)
Modern cheaters, especially manipulative ones, tend to exploit:
Burner apps and extra numbers used only for specific people
Private browsers and incognito mode to hide searches and logins
Photo vault apps disguised as calculators or tools
Multiple social media accounts:
One respectable, public profile for family and work
One “real” profile for flirting, hookup culture and secret contacts
AI tools that:
Help clean up message histories at speed
Generate fake “proof” of where they were
Draft charming or emotionally tuned responses with minimal effort
You don’t need to become a digital forensics expert. Even so, it’s worth mentioning to your PI if you’ve noticed:
A “business” number or profile that seems to live its own separate life
Random numbers showing up in screenshots or profiles
Apps you never see them openly use, but they always protect fiercely
Chats you glimpsed once and then never found again
Heavy use of lock apps, hidden folders or “privacy” features
Investigators who understand narcissistic cheating behaviour know how these tools fit into a double life. They’ll factor this into their plan from the start.
5. Times, Places and Patterns to Watch
Surveillance is usually the most expensive part of an infidelity investigation. You don’t want someone sitting in a car for ten hours on the off-chance something happens.
Instead, you want to help your PI target the windows of time when shady behaviour is most likely.
Consider:
When your gut screams the loudest:
Are certain days always “busy”?
Are there regular gym nights, “meetings” or gaming sessions that don’t quite add up?
Where they might be going:
Repeat suburbs, hotels, bars, gyms or friends’ houses
What events are coming up:
Work conferences
“Boys’ weekends” or “girls’ trips”
Christmas parties and end-of-year functions
Example: “He’s consistently unavailable between 6–9pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He claims he’s at the gym, but the gym closes at 8pm. The Uber charges to other suburbs always appear on those nights.”
With this kind of information, the PI can plan surveillance around high-probability times rather than guessing.
6. Evidence You Already Have (Even If It Looks Small)
You might already be sitting on a pile of useful clues without realising it. On their own they might look minor, but together they tell a story.
Legally and ethically, you can gather:
Screenshots of:
Flirty or intimate messages
Late-night chats that cross boundaries
Suspicious social media comments and reactions
Call logs showing:
Frequent calls or texts from unknown or hidden numbers
Bank and credit card records:
Hotels, restaurants, bar tabs, gifts, lingerie, flowers
Photos of:
Receipts or bookings you’ve stumbled across
Items that appear or disappear with no explanation
A simple timeline:
Dates, times and brief notes such as “Said he was at X, but bank charge shows Y”
Example: “I’ve got three months of bank statements with hotel charges in the city on nights he claimed to be staying at his brother’s, plus screenshots of late-night messages with a woman from work.”
An experienced investigator can often pull clear patterns from what you’ve been trying to piece together in your head.
7. Be Clear About Your Goal (And Your Limits)
Not everyone wants the same outcome from a cheating investigation. In fact, being vague here only makes the process harder for you.
Some people want:
Concrete evidence for legal reasons – divorce, custody, property settlement
Others are mainly seeking:
Emotional closure – a clear answer so they can stop obsessing and move forward
And quite a few secretly hope:
That nothing is happening and they can relax
Because of that, it’s important to be upfront with your PI about:
What a “successful result” looks like to you
Whether you plan to use evidence in court
How much detail you’re okay with seeing – not everyone wants explicit photos or video
Examples:
“If he is cheating, I’ll need evidence to support separation and financial decisions.”
“I’m not going to court. I just want to know the truth so I can decide whether to stay or leave.”
The investigator can then shape their strategy – and how they present the findings – around your needs.
8. Budget, Boundaries and What’s Off-Limits
Private investigations aren’t cheap. Time, travel, equipment and reporting all cost money, so it’s better to be realistic rather than shy.
Have an honest conversation about:
What you can afford overall or per week
Whether you want:
A focused operation around a specific event, or
Monitoring over a longer period
Where your hard boundaries are:
No following or photographing your children
No contact with your employer or family
No graphic content if that would be traumatising for you
A professional PI will help you prioritise and say, “Here’s what we can realistically achieve within that budget, and here’s when it’s most effective to act.”
9. Legal and Ethical Boundaries (So It Doesn’t Backfire)
A proper private investigator must stay inside the law. That protects you as much as it protects them.
A reputable PI will not:
Hack phones, emails or social media accounts
Install illegal spyware or tracking devices
Break into property, vehicles or devices
Pretend to be police or a government authority
Any offer along those lines is a major red flag. Remember, narcissistic people are experts at flipping the script. The last thing you need is your ex waving evidence of your illegal behaviour in front of a judge.
To protect yourself, ask the PI directly:
What methods they use in infidelity investigations
What is legal in your state or country
How often their evidence ends up being used successfully in court
That way, you end up with clean, solid evidence instead of a legal mess.
10. Protecting Your Privacy and Safety
You’re not only exposing your partner’s secrets; you’re handing over very personal information about yourself too. Because of that, privacy and safety matter.
Before signing anything, ask:
Do you have a written confidentiality policy?
How will my data and documents be stored, and for how long?
Can my case be labelled under a code name instead of my full legal name?
Who in your office has access to my file?
What happens to the evidence once the case is finished?
If your partner has been abusive, controlling or vindictive, say so. A good PI will adjust how they contact you, what they put in writing and how they manage sensitive material so you’re not left exposed.
Quick Prep Checklist for Your First Meeting with a PI
You can copy this straight into your notes app and tick things off:
Partner’s full name, date of birth, mobile and email
Home and work addresses, plus usual work hours or roster
Vehicle details (make, model, colour and rego)
Short summary of your relationship and living situation
Clear list of suspicious behaviours with dates/times where possible
Screenshots, bank records or other “receipts” you already have
Notes about weird phone/app behaviour, multiple numbers or secret chats
Your main goal: legal evidence, emotional closure, or both
A realistic budget and any non-negotiable boundaries
Questions about privacy, data storage and legal limits
Final Thoughts: Clarity Is Powerful (And Narcissists Hate It)
Hiring a private investigator to catch a cheating partner is a big step. Most people don’t do it lightly.
Even so, there are some hard truths:
Living in constant doubt destroys your self-worth
Being lied to and gaslit trains you not to trust your own mind
Narcissistic behaviour is designed to keep you confused and off-balance
Evidence cuts through that fog.
Once the investigation is done – whether it confirms infidelity or clears your partner – you get one crucial thing back: your reality.
From that point on, you get to decide:
Do I stay, or do I leave?
What boundaries do I set from here?
What support do I need – emotionally, legally, financially – to move forward?
At TheNarcSlayer.com, the bottom line is simple: You deserve truth. You deserve safety. You deserve a life where you’re not constantly questioning your sanity because someone else is lying to your face.
If you decide to go down the PI path, go in prepared, informed and clear about your goals. Whatever the outcome, let it be the beginning of backing yourself – not doubting yourself.
Crazy making is a form of psychological manipulation that distorts reality, leaving victims feeling confused, emotionally drained, and doubting their own perceptions. It often occurs in relationships with narcissists or other manipulative individuals who use a series of tactics to create instability and maintain control over their victims. These tactics include gaslighting, denial, projection, shifting blame, and contradictory behavior, making it difficult for the victim to distinguish between truth and manipulation (Psychology Today).
How Crazy Making Works
The primary goal of crazy making is to destabilize the victim’s perception of reality. Some common tactics used by manipulators include:
Gaslighting: This involves denying facts, twisting events, and making the victim question their memory and sanity (Psychology Today).
Contradictory Statements: The manipulator frequently changes their stance or tells conflicting stories to create confusion.
Blame Shifting: They refuse accountability and place the blame on the victim, making them feel responsible for the manipulator’s actions.
Projection: Accusing the victim of behaviors the manipulator is actually engaging in, making it difficult for the victim to defend themselves.
Emotional Manipulation: Playing on the victim’s emotions, alternating between affection and cruelty to keep them on edge.
Silent Treatment & Withholding: Ignoring the victim or withholding affection as a means of control and punishment (National Domestic Violence Hotline).
The Psychological Impact of Crazy Making
Being subjected to crazy making can have profound and lasting effects on a person’s mental health, including:
Chronic Stress and Anxiety: Constant confusion and self-doubt create a high-stress environment that can lead to anxiety disorders.
Depression: The emotional toll of feeling invalidated and powerless can contribute to depression and low self-worth.
Cognitive Dissonance: The victim struggles to reconcile contradictory information, leading to mental exhaustion.
Loss of Self-Trust: Continuous manipulation erodes the victim’s confidence in their own judgment and perceptions.
PTSD and C-PTSD: Prolonged exposure to crazy making can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, especially in cases of ongoing emotional abuse (Verywell Mind).
Recognizing and Protecting Yourself from Crazy Making
Awareness is the first step in breaking free from crazy making. Here are some strategies to protect yourself:
Trust Your Perceptions: If something feels off, trust your instincts. Keep a journal to document conversations and events.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviors you will and will not tolerate. Enforce consequences for boundary violations.
Limit Engagement: Minimize interactions with manipulators and avoid arguing with them, as they thrive on control and chaos.
Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist for validation and guidance.
Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote mental well-being, such as meditation, exercise, and mindfulness.
Educate Yourself: Understanding manipulation tactics can empower you to recognize and counteract them effectively.
Final Thoughts
Crazy making is a dangerous psychological manipulation tactic that can leave victims feeling lost, confused, and emotionally drained. Recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps to protect yourself can help you regain control over your mental well-being. You deserve clarity, validation, and healthy relationships. If you’ve been affected by crazy making, seeking professional support can help you heal and rebuild your confidence.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is often misunderstood — not just by the public, but even within clinical settings. Many associate the term narcissist with selfishness or arrogance. But in truth, NPD is a deeply rooted psychological condition that often stems from unhealed emotional wounds.
According to the DSM-5, NPD is defined by a persistent pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Individuals with NPD often have difficulty forming genuine connections and may experience emotional emptiness beneath the surface of their confidence.
In this blog we will explore whether healing is possible for Narcissists, and what treatment options are available for people who have diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder or even those who have narcissistic tendencies and are ready to manage their behaviours.
Is Healing from NPD Really Possible?
This is one of the most common — and controversial — questions in psychology: Can a narcissist change?
Some experts argue that because personality disorders are ingrained in an individual’s psychological makeup, full recovery is rare. Others, however, maintain that change is absolutely possible, especially when a person is willing to do the inner work.
As Dr. Elsa Ronningstam of Harvard Medical School explains in her research, “Change is possible, particularly when narcissistic traits are recognised as defensive adaptations rather than fixed traits.” (Source: Harvard Health)
While transformation takes time, therapy, and commitment, recovery is possible — especially when supported by skilled clinicians and a strong therapeutic alliance.
What Causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
While there’s no single cause, experts believe that NPD often develops from a combination of:
Childhood trauma, neglect, or excessive criticism
Overindulgent parenting or unrealistic praise
Genetic and neurobiological factors
Dysfunctional early relationships and attachment issues
These experiences may cause a child to develop an inflated self-image as a way of protecting against deep-seated feelings of inadequacy or shame.
Can a Narcissist Change? Yes — But It’s a Journey
The short answer is yes, narcissists can change — but not without self-awareness, motivation, and the right support.
NPD is resistant to change largely because individuals may struggle to see their behaviours as problematic. Many people with NPD live in denial or defensiveness, using these mechanisms to avoid shame or vulnerability.
But when they are willing to reflect, take accountability, and engage in therapy — especially during times of emotional crisis or relational breakdown — change becomes not only possible, but deeply meaningful.
Treatment Options for Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Healing from NPD is not about “fixing” someone. It’s about creating space for growth, insight, emotional resilience, and more authentic relationships.
1. Psychotherapy (Talk Therapy)
Psychotherapy is considered the gold standard in NPD treatment. It helps individuals uncover the emotional pain beneath their defensive personas.
Common modalities include:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Focuses on identifying and changing distorted thinking patterns.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): Helps with emotion regulation and distress tolerance.
Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores unconscious motivations and early developmental trauma.
Though intimidating for many with NPD, group therapy can offer profound benefits. It allows individuals to:
Receive honest feedback in a supportive setting
Practise healthy social interactions
Witness how others manage similar issues
Group work helps to gently erode the grandiose self-image and promote relational healing.
3. Medication for Co-Occurring Conditions
There’s currently no medication approved specifically for NPD. However, many individuals with NPD experience co-occurring mental health issues, such as:
Depression
Anxiety
Borderline features
Substance misuse
In such cases, antidepressants or mood stabilisers may help manage distressing symptoms, making it easier to participate in therapy.
4. Boundary Setting and Self-Care Practices
Learning to set healthy emotional and relational boundaries is a major part of the healing journey — both for individuals with NPD and those in relationships with them.
For individuals with NPD, this means:
Respecting others’ emotional space
Recognising the impact of their actions
Practising self-regulation and accountability
Self-care might also include:
Meditation or mindfulness
Journaling for self-reflection
Compassion-focused therapy
Time in nature or creative hobbies
5. Motivation to Change: The Key Ingredient
No amount of therapy or support can create lasting change without motivation. This is often the biggest hurdle.
A skilled therapist will help foster this motivation by:
Exploring underlying emotions
Helping the individual connect with authentic vulnerability
Highlighting the consequences of narcissistic behaviours
Healing from NPD is not about perfection. It’s about making progress: learning to see oneself more clearly, treating others with greater care, and building a more authentic self.
Common challenges on the road to recovery may include:
Resistance to feedback
Difficulty tolerating vulnerability
Periods of regression
Shame and guilt surfacing
But with perseverance, support, and a willingness to grow, individuals with NPD can experience meaningful transformation.
For Loved Ones: Supporting Someone with NPD
If someone in your life has NPD, supporting them can be emotionally draining. You are not responsible for their healing, but your role matters.
What can help:
Setting clear boundaries
Avoiding enabling behaviours
Seeking support for yourself (e.g. therapy or support groups)
Encouraging professional help, without forcing it
Your wellbeing matters too. Take care of your emotional safety and don’t be afraid to walk away if the relationship becomes toxic or abusive.
Final Thoughts: The Possibility of Healing
Narcissistic Personality Disorder can feel like a barrier to connection, empathy, and emotional fulfilment — but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence. With time, therapy, motivation, and compassionate support, healing is possible.
If you or someone you care about is struggling with narcissistic traits, don’t lose hope. Reach out to a qualified therapist with experience in personality disorders. The road may be long, but every step towards insight and connection is a powerful act of courage.
So, You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist Who Lies and Cheats? I’ve been there and done that. Read on to learn more…
Introduction
Discovering that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist who repeatedly lies, cheats, and manipulates can be devastating to your self esteem, crushes your ego, and alter the direction of your life. The realisation comes with deep emotional turmoil, self-doubt, and confusion. It can be shocking to find yourself in that position. But here you are and the most crucial step is deciding what to do next.
I know how difficult it is to believe that someone so close to you, that you care for, maybe in love with, could possibly do so much destruction to you and your trust, but that’s why it is a disorder. It is not logical, it is heart-breaking and soul crushing. I’ve tried it all and made all the mistakes of believing the lies, the future faking, the promises to get help and to do better. The only real apology is changed behaviour. Most true narcissists have no intention of changing. Instead they find ways to hide it better, and continue with their gaslighting, crazy making, and deflection regardless of how that affects you. In fact, the more they watch you struggle, the more powerful they believe they are.
If you are in a state of panic and confusion about your relationship, this article explores the immediate actions that you can take, the emotional and psychological challenges that come with a toxic relationship, and the difficult choices you need to make. This is where you have to own it and take steps to either put up with it, choose denial, or walk, no, run, away. Be warned, if you choose to call out the narcissist in your life, be prepared for backlash, projection, blame and denial. Read on to learn the steps you can take to protect yourself and get out of there!
The First Step: Acknowledge the Truth
When you discover that your partner is unfaithful, disloyal, deceptive, and has many narcissistic behaviours, at first it is easy to doubt yourself and struggle with denial. Accepting that someone you love is incapable of true loyalty or empathy is painful. However, staying in denial only prolongs the suffering and keeps you trapped in a toxic cycle.
Consequences of Denial
Loss of self-worth: Continually justifying a narcissist’s behaviour erodes your self-esteem and sense of self. It can make you look stupid to friends and family who are aware of what’s going on, losing their sympathies and friendship.
Emotional exhaustion: The repeated cycle of hope, betrayal, and emotional manipulation drains your mental and physical energy, often resulting in physical and mental sickness and erosion of your own self-worth.
Increased control by the narcissist: The longer you tolerate deception, the more power they have over you. The lower you fall the stronger they get in playing games with your heart and mind.
Wasted time and opportunities: Every moment spent hoping for change is time lost on personal growth and healthier relationships. Months and years can go by, and with each of those you slowly cannot recognise yourself anymore. Even the strongest of people will be badly affected by the games narcs play.
If you catch yourself making excuses for their actions, such as blaming stress, childhood trauma, or other circumstances, please stop and ask yourself: Would I accept this behavior from a friend?Would I treat someone like this if I loved them? Is this the life I want to lead? If the answer is no, then it’s time to take action.
Prioritise Your Well-Being
Toxic relationships take their toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health. Narcissistic partners thrive on breaking down your confidence and making you doubt your reality. This is a tactic in their toolbox of abuse. They know what they are doing. It is important to make your sense of self and your health your top priority. In so doing you will grow stronger and have more clarity.
Self-Care Strategies
Establish a daily routine: Stability in your life helps counter the emotional chaos they create. For example, meditating for even a few minutes a day has shown to make a difference to your brain and body. Do it. Visualise yourself empowered, healthy, strong.
Engage in therapy or self-reflection: Talking to a therapist can help you validate your experiences. Speaking to a neutral person outside of family and friends is empowering. It helps to gain more clarity and understanding of the reality of where you are at and find the tools to rebuild self-worth.
Practice self-compassion: For a narcissist, it is all about them. Remind yourself that their behavior is their problem and their choice. It is not a reflection of your worth. Your remaining in such a relationship may well be a reflection of your own self-love, or lack of it. Do not surrender your health and happiness to appease someone who puts yours last.
By focusing on self-care, you shift your focus from them to you and slowly begin to regain the strength to make choices for yourself. Rather than reacting to them, choosing the Self and nurturing You is the first step in healing.
Set and Enforce Boundaries
Narcissists hate boundaries and often agree to change but it is only in the moment, and those boundaries will always be overstepped. It is all about control. Boundaries are not set for them, they are for you. To protect yourself. To set standards that you are willing to accept and reinforce. They are crucial to protect yourself. How to Set Effective Boundaries
Be direct and firm: Clearly state what behaviour you will no longer tolerate and what behaviour you will accept. Example: to say: “If I find out you’ve lied again, I will leave.” is more of a threat than a boundary. Instead try, statements such as “I do not accept being lied to or cheated on from those I should be able to trust. It is a dealbreaker for me”. Here you have set out the standards you will accept and owned your values.
Expect pushback: When you set boundaries, people often get offended and a narcissist will test your limits. Remain firm in your resolve to reinforce those boundaries. Stay firm.
Follow through on consequences: Empty threats only reinforce their behaviour. It emboldens them because they understand your stated boundaries are merely words, not actions. You must follow through.
Dangers of Calling Out a Narcissist
Be aware that narcissists react poorly to being confronted about their behaviour, even when you have the evidence. They will turn it around on you, accuse you, to make you angry and defensive, explaining and defending yourself to them. Calling them out may lead to:
Rage and retaliation: A narcissist will lash out verbally, emotionally, and physically. They may retaliate by stonewalling and disconnecting. If they sense they are losing control it can become very dangerous.
Smear campaigns: It is common for the narcissist to spread lies. Their accusations are admissions. They will triangulate you between their conquests, family and friends, even your workplace. They are terrified of being found out and will do anything to keep the mask on, even playing the victim.
Love-bombing: When they think they have been revealed, and may be losing control, they will shower you with gifts, attention, “love-bombing” to give you false hope that they will change. It will ot last. They are just trying to regain control and some trust. They will revert to their ways.
If you have called out a narcissist only for them to deflect, become enraged, or stonewall you, even if you have evidence, don’t do it again. You are simply feeding them information to hide their betrayals better. Accept that you are in this alone. They will not help you unmask them.
Seek Support
Isolating you and breeding self-doubt are two of the narcissist’s strongest weapons. They want you dependent on their validation, on their acceptance of their version of reality. Breaking free of their coercive control starts with building your support system outside of the relationship.
Who to Turn To
Trusted friends and family: Confide in those who will offer support without judgment. Choose carefully. If they are both of your friends, they may already have had their loyalties swayed by the smear campaign of a narcissist.
Support groups: There are many online resources and in-person communities such as this who have experienced narcissistic abuse, and have educated themselves. Often just knowing that others are going through the same thing will validate you and empower you.
Therapists specialising in narcissistic abuse: It is important your therapist understands, even has personal experience, in narcissistic abuse to truly understand the dynamics of control and trauma bonds. They can provide specific coping strategies tailored to your situation.
Document Their Behaviour
If you anticipate a messy breakup, legal battles, or gaslighting attempts, keeping records is crucial.
How to Document Effectively
Keep a journal: Record instances of lying, cheating, manipulation, and abusive behaviour. Over time things can get blurry, especially as your mental and physical health suffers leading to confusion. Hard cold evidence will remind you of the truth.
Save texts and emails: If they try to deny their actions later, you’ll have proof. Be aware though, they are also saving any retaliatory texts, voice calls or emails you may send at a time of distress when you react to their abuse and use it against you.
Talk to witnesses: Many narcissistic friends know how to behave in public. It can be hard to convince others of what you are experiencing behind closed doors. However, if friends or family have observed their behaviour, or have expressed concern for your health, noticing a change in your level of happiness or confidence, being honest with them and gaining their perspective could be valuable. Beware of the flying monkeys.
Documentation, witnesses and journals may be helpful in cases where you may need legal protection, to gain a restraining order, or during divorce proceedings.
Forgive, Move On, or Stay Stuck?
One of the hardest choices you’ll face is whether to forgive and stay, leave and move on, or remain in limbo. In my experience, you cycle through all of these thoughts and plans before you finally break away.
Choosing to Forgive
First, often you’ll try to forgive but it is hard to forget. The narcissist will promise to change. Will tell you “they’re just a friend” or “we only did it once” – a classic line! The truth is, narcissists rarely change, at least not for long, and only promise to unless forced by extreme consequences, that is, they have to hit rock bottom first. Forgiveness without accountability or changed behaviour allows them to continue their deception and abuse of your trust.
Choosing to Move On
When you’ve tried repeatedly to forgive, to reason, to seek promises of changed behaviour that never lasts, leaving a narcissistic relationship is the next move. It is difficult but often the healthiest choice. However, the trauma bond is often well established and difficult to end. If you choose to leave:
Have a safety plan: Leaving a narcissist damages their ego severely. Beware as this is the most dangerous time for a toxic narcissistic relationship. You must ensure you have somewhere to go if you are in fear of the narcissist’s’ rage.
Go no-contact if possible: No contact is often the only way. Ceasing all communication including in person, by phone, email or social media will give you the space you need to truly start healing. Do not be tempted to reconnect. This can be hard. In my experience, once you start to feel better, you think you can handle them. You can’t. Nothing has changed for them, and you will go backwards and be angry at yourself for trying.
Prepare for their attempts to reel you back in: Narcissits are chameleons. They change their behaviour to gain control. They may beg, cry, or promise to change. Don’t fall for it. Love-bombing, promises to get help, are all tactics to give them “one more chance”. They’ll claim they made “one mistake” (even if it’s the same “mistake” repeated for years) and try to convince you that they have learned their lesson. They haven’t.
Choosing to Stay Stuck
Here is a cold hard fact – every day you choose not to leave, you are choosing to stay stuck. It is hard. The trauma bond is well entrenched. The relationships with friends and family, the kids, the future plans (often fake) can keep you hanging on, hoping that sooner or later, they will see the error of their ways, and choose to stop. It rarely happens. Your health will deteriorate on all levels. Your ego just won’t give in, and the fear of change can be greater than the fear of staying. This often leads to:
Chronic emotional distress
Development of physical symptoms and disease
Increased self-doubt and low self-esteem
A cycle of endless betrayals and broken promises
Choosing to remain in denial only prolongs the inevitable and makes breaking free even harder. Unfortunately, many of us either surrender to the abuse, or much worse, suffer greatly before finally admitting there is no other choice but to break free.
It’s a process. It can be long. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t surrender your self-worth and health for what your whole body and mind are screaming at you – “This is not okay. It’s destroying me piece by piece. Who am I now?”
Protect Yourself If You Decide to Leave
Leaving a narcissist, especially one prone to being deceptive by lying and cheating, can be dangerous to your mental, physical and financial health, and even affects your other relationships with friends and family, as well as employers. Protect yourself by:
Consulting a lawyer if you’re married or share assets, this can become a dirty fight. The need to keep records and journals will help. But be prepared for the narcissistic rage of a damaged person who has lost control – of you!
Changing passwords and securing finances is necessary to prevent the narcissist from having access to your personal information and finances. They will do anything they can to cripple your attempts to leave. Typical of a narcissist, they will cheat you, lie to you, and discard you – but when it is done to them, expect narcissistic rage, which can be very very dangerous.
Blocking them on all platforms to prevent them from trolling, spying, and to avoid manipulation and hoovering attempts. They will set up false profiles and try to friend you. They will use their friends to spy on you and report back. Beware of the friends who are manipulated into being the narcissist’s flying monkeys.
Inform a trusted person that you plan to leave, that they are not to tell anyone your whereabouts. You may need emergency support from them, or at least a trusted friend who has got your back. I pray you have one such friend.
Conclusion
The shocking realisation that you’re in a relationship with a true narcissist, one who consistently lies and cheats is extremely painful. What you choose to do next will determine how long you suffer and how long you take to create your future happiness and well-being, free from the endless onslaught of narcissistic abuse. You must seek support, educate yourself and connect with communities like this. Know that you deserve to be in a faithful and loyal relationship that lifts you up, not tears you down.
This is your life. You have choices to make:
Stay in denial and continue suffering.
Forgive without accountability and endure more betrayal.
Prioritise yourself, set boundaries, and break free.
It is not easy to leave an established relationship with a narcissist. The longer it goes on, the more ingrained the trauma. But sooer or later most people realise that staying is far more difficult, far more dangerous, and far too toxic. Every day that you do not leave, you are making a choice to stay in a toxic relationship. You deserve honesty, respect, and love. Choosing yourself is not selfish — it’s necessary.
If you’re struggling, reach out for help now. You are not alone, and you have the strength to reclaim your life.
Breaking free from narcissistic abuse requires not just mental reframing but also physical grounding. By pairing these powerful mantras with intentional breathing exercises, you can reinforce your healing process and regulate your nervous system.
Mantra & Breathwork Practice
Each mantra below is paired with a specific breathing technique to enhance its impact. Practice these daily in a quiet space, allowing yourself to fully absorb their healing energy.
1. Letting Go of Responsibility
Mantra:“I am not responsible for the narcissist’s actions or behaviour. I am only responsible for my own healing and well-being.” Breathwork:4-7-8 Breathing (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds) Purpose: Releases anxiety and resets your nervous system.
2. Affirming Self-Worth
Mantra:“I am worthy of love, respect, and healthy relationships. I deserve to be treated with kindness, empathy, and understanding.” Breathwork:Heart-Centered Breathing (Inhale deeply while imagining love entering your heart, exhale releasing self-doubt) Purpose: Cultivates self-love and confidence.
3. Reclaiming Identity
Mantra:“I am not defined by the narcissist’s perception of me. I am my own unique, authentic self, and I will honour and embrace my true identity.” Breathwork:Box Breathing (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4) Purpose: Grounds you in your true self.
4. Setting Boundaries
Mantra:“I will set healthy boundaries to protect myself from further harm. I have the right to say ‘no’ and prioritize my own well-being.” Breathwork:Lion’s Breath (Inhale deeply through your nose, exhale strongly through your mouth with a ‘ha’ sound) Purpose: Releases tension and empowers assertiveness.
5. Releasing the Need for Validation
Mantra:“I release the need for approval and validation from the narcissist. I am enough just as I am, and I don’t need their validation to feel worthy.” Breathwork:Alternate Nostril Breathing (Close right nostril, inhale through left; switch nostrils and exhale) Purpose: Balances emotions and promotes inner peace.
6. Taking Back Control
Mantra:“I will not allow the narcissist to control or manipulate me any longer. I am in charge of my own life and choices.” Breathwork:Power Breathing (Inhale deeply through nose, exhale forcefully through mouth) Purpose: Builds strength and personal empowerment.
7. Practicing Self-Care
Mantra:“I will practice self-care and self-compassion. I deserve to prioritize my own physical, emotional, and mental well-being.” Breathwork:Ocean Breath (Ujjayi) (Inhale and exhale through nose with slight throat constriction) Purpose: Soothes and calms the mind.
8. Releasing Self-Blame
Mantra:“I will not blame myself for the narcissist’s behaviour. I did not cause it, and I cannot change it. I will focus on my own healing and growth.” Breathwork:Sighing Breath (Deep inhale through nose, loud sigh on exhale) Purpose: Releases stored guilt and tension.
9. Surrounding Yourself with Support
Mantra:“I will surround myself with supportive and healthy relationships. I deserve to be surrounded by people who lift me up and support my healing journey.” Breathwork:Gratitude Breathing (Inhale gratitude, exhale negativity) Purpose: Encourages connection and openness.
10. Embracing Resilience
Mantra:“I am resilient and capable of healing from the wounds of narcissistic abuse. I will take each step at my own pace and celebrate my progress.” Breathwork:Deep Belly Breathing (Breathe deeply into the diaphragm, expanding belly) Purpose: Strengthens inner resilience and calm.
Final Reflection:
Healing from narcissistic abuse takes time and conscious effort. Be patient with yourself, seek supportive relationships, and make self-care a priority. Combining these mantras with breathwork creates a powerful tool for reclaiming your strength, inner peace, and self-worth. You are not alone, and you deserve a life free from toxicity and full of love and self-empowerment.
The Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Deception, Lies, and Cheating
Introduction
Narcissists are masters of deception, using a combination of technology, manipulation tactics, and behavioral strategies to conceal their lies and cheating. Whether in a romantic relationship, business setting, or social environment, they will go to great lengths to avoid being exposed.
Understanding the tools they use can help you identify red flags and protect yourself from being manipulated. This article explores the apps, spyware, internet tactics, and behaviors narcissists use to cover their tracks and maintain control over their victims.
Digital Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Lies
1. Secret Messaging Apps
Narcissists who cheat or engage in secretive activities often use messaging apps designed to hide conversations. These apps provide disappearing messages, encrypted chats, and hidden features that make it difficult for their partners or victims to discover the truth.
A narcissist may use tracking devices to know where their partner is at all times. This can include:
AirTags or Tile trackers placed in a partner’s bag or car.
Shared location services like Find My iPhone or Google Maps location sharing.
Fake GPS apps to lie about their own whereabouts.
These tools help them create a false sense of security while continuing their deception.
Internet Tactics for Hiding Their Tracks
6. Incognito Mode and VPNs
To hide their online activities, narcissists often use:
Incognito mode to prevent browser history from being saved.
VPN services to mask their IP address and access sites without being traced.
Proxy servers to appear as if they are browsing from another location.
This makes it harder for their partner to discover suspicious online activities.
7. Disposable Email Addresses
A narcissist may create multiple email accounts to register on dating sites or communicate with secret contacts. Services like ProtonMail, Temp-Mail, and Guerilla Mail allow them to send and receive emails without leaving a permanent record.
8. Hiding Transactions and Financial Activity
To cover up financial deception, narcissists may:
Use cryptocurrency for untraceable transactions.
Withdraw small amounts of cash over time to avoid suspicion.
Use prepaid debit cards or PayPal accounts under fake names.
Create bogus business transactions to justify unusual spending.
These tactics help them fund secret affairs, gifts for other partners, or maintain a hidden life without raising red flags.
Behavioral Tactics to Avoid Detection
9. Gaslighting and Denial
When confronted, narcissists rely on psychological manipulation to make you doubt what you’ve seen or heard. They may:
Deny everything, even when presented with evidence.
Accuse you of being paranoid or overly suspicious.
Twist the story to make themselves the victim.
Minimize their actions, saying things like “It was just a joke” or “You’re overreacting.”
This leaves you questioning your own reality, making it harder to hold them accountable.
10. Creating Fake Alibis and Using Friends
To cover their tracks, narcissists often:
Ask friends to lie for them (“Tell her I was with you last night.”)
Stage fake evidence (sending texts that say, “Just working late” while they’re on a date with someone else).
Blame others (“That wasn’t me; someone must have hacked my account.”)
By crafting a believable story, they make it difficult to prove their deception.
11. Stonewalling and Deflection
If they feel they are close to being exposed, narcissists will:
Refuse to discuss the issue.
Change the subject.
Accuse you of being controlling.
This tactic ensures that the conversation never focuses on their actions but instead turns into an argument about something unrelated.
Protecting Yourself from a Deceptive Narcissist
If you suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist who is hiding their deception, consider these steps:
Do not openly confront them until you have solid proof.
Secure your own devices (change passwords, enable two-factor authentication).
Check for spyware on your phone and laptop.
Avoid sharing your location or sensitive information.
Seek support from a trusted friend, therapist, or support group.
Consider leaving the relationship if deception is persistent.
Conclusion
Narcissists are highly skilled at deception and will use any tool available to maintain control and avoid exposure. From secret messaging apps and tracking devices to psychological manipulation, they go to great lengths to protect their lies.
By recognizing these red flags, you can take proactive steps to safeguard yourself and break free from their toxic cycle. Remember, the best defense is awareness—stay informed and trust your instincts.
The Impact of Heartbreak on Health: Emotional and Physical Well-Being
Introduction
Heartbreak is a universal human experience that can be both emotionally and physically overwhelming. Whether it stems from the end of a romantic relationship, the loss of a loved one, or any significant emotional loss, the effects of heartbreak can be profound. It can impact our mental health, disrupt our daily routines, and even lead to long-term physical health consequences.
Understanding the ways in which heartbreak affects both emotional and physical well-being is crucial for recovery. This blog will explore these effects and provide actionable coping strategies to help you navigate this difficult period.
The Emotional Toll of Heartbreak
Heartbreak triggers a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, and grief. While the intensity and duration of these emotions may vary from person to person, the sense of loss and emptiness can be overwhelming.
Emotional Symptoms of Heartbreak
Sadness and Grief – It is common to feel deep sorrow and grief after a heartbreak. The sense of loss can be overwhelming, making it difficult to focus on daily tasks.
Anxiety and Fear – Many people experience anxiety about the future, wondering if they will ever recover or find happiness again.
Anger and Resentment – Betrayal or rejection can lead to feelings of anger and resentment, which can be difficult to process.
Guilt and Self-Blame – Some individuals may question their actions, wondering if they could have done something differently to prevent the loss.
Loss of Self-Esteem – Heartbreak can make people feel unworthy or unloved, leading to a decrease in self-confidence.
How Emotional Distress Affects Daily Life
When experiencing heartbreak, it is common to struggle with basic daily functions, including:
Difficulty Concentrating – Thoughts about the past relationship or situation can be intrusive, making it hard to focus on work or personal responsibilities.
Changes in Sleep Patterns – Some people may struggle with insomnia, while others may oversleep as a way of escaping painful emotions.
Appetite Fluctuations – Emotional distress can lead to either emotional eating or a loss of appetite, both of which impact overall health.
Social Withdrawal – Many people isolate themselves, feeling unable to engage with others or maintain social connections.
Over time, unresolved emotional distress can contribute to more severe mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety disorders. This is why taking steps to heal emotionally is essential.
The Physical Toll of Heartbreak
Heartbreak not only takes a toll on your emotions but also has significant effects on your physical health. The body responds to emotional distress in ways that can lead to real, measurable health consequences.
Increased Stress Hormones
When experiencing heartbreak, the body releases higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. Elevated cortisol levels can:
Increase heart rate and blood pressure, which puts stress on the cardiovascular system.
Contribute to inflammation, increasing the risk of chronic illnesses.
Cause digestive issues, leading to stomach pain, nausea, or irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
Weakened Immune System
Prolonged stress can weaken the immune system, making you more susceptible to illnesses, colds, and infections. People going through heartbreak often experience:
Frequent colds or flu-like symptoms.
Slow recovery from minor illnesses.
Increased susceptibility to inflammation-related conditions.
Sleep Disruptions
Sleep is essential for mental and physical well-being, but heartbreak often leads to:
Insomnia or restless sleep due to racing thoughts and emotional distress.
Vivid dreams or nightmares related to the loss.
Waking up frequently throughout the night, leading to chronic fatigue.
Appetite Changes and Digestive Issues
Heartbreak can disrupt eating habits, leading to:
Loss of Appetite – Some people experience reduced hunger, leading to unintentional weight loss and nutritional deficiencies.
Emotional Eating – Others turn to comfort foods, often high in sugar and unhealthy fats, which can contribute to weight gain and metabolic issues.
Digestive Issues – Increased stress can cause nausea, bloating, and gastrointestinal discomfort.
Mental Health Challenges
Persistent emotional distress can escalate into more severe mental health issues, such as:
Depression – A prolonged state of sadness, lack of motivation, and hopelessness.
Anxiety – Increased worry and fear about the future, sometimes leading to panic attacks.
Post-Traumatic Stress Symptoms – In extreme cases, heartbreak can trigger symptoms similar to PTSD, particularly if the breakup was traumatic.
Understanding these physical effects can help validate your experience and motivate you to take proactive steps toward healing.
Coping Strategies for Heartbreak
While heartbreak can feel unbearable, there are effective ways to cope and heal both emotionally and physically. Here are some strategies to support your well-being during this difficult time.
1. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions
Suppressing emotions can prolong the healing process. Instead, acknowledge and process your feelings in a healthy way:
Journaling about your emotions.
Talking to a trusted friend or therapist.
Allowing yourself to cry when needed.
2. Seek Support
You don’t have to go through heartbreak alone. Reach out to:
Close friends and family members who can provide comfort and perspective.
Support groups or online communities where others share similar experiences.
Professional counselors or therapists for guidance and coping tools.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
Taking care of your body and mind is crucial for recovery. Focus on:
Quality Sleep – Establish a bedtime routine and avoid screens before bed.
Healthy Eating – Nourish your body with balanced meals to maintain energy levels.
Regular Exercise – Physical activity releases endorphins, which help improve mood.
Relaxation Techniques – Practices like meditation, yoga, and deep breathing can help reduce stress.
4. Engage in Healthy Distractions
Redirecting your energy can help shift focus from heartbreak to self-growth. Consider:
Taking up a new hobby or revisiting an old passion.
Traveling or exploring new places for a fresh perspective.
Volunteering to help others, which can be incredibly fulfilling.
5. Limit Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Avoid habits that may worsen emotional distress, such as:
Excessive alcohol or drug use.
Obsessively checking social media for updates on the person involved.
Isolating yourself for prolonged periods.
6. Be Patient with the Healing Process
Healing from heartbreak is not a linear process. It takes time, and setbacks are normal. Remind yourself that:
It’s okay to have bad days.
Growth comes from challenges, and you will emerge stronger.
With time and effort, you will find happiness again.
Conclusion
Heartbreak is an intense and deeply personal experience that affects both emotional and physical health. The stress, sadness, and grief associated with heartbreak can impact mental well-being, disrupt sleep, weaken the immune system, and contribute to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
However, by understanding these effects and implementing healthy coping strategies, it is possible to navigate heartbreak in a way that promotes healing and personal growth. Prioritizing self-care, seeking support, and allowing yourself to grieve will help you regain emotional balance and emerge stronger.
Though the pain may feel overwhelming now, remember that healing is possible. With time, patience, and self-compassion, you will move forward and rediscover joy in life.
Narcissistic abuse is a form of psychological manipulation with devastating consequences. Understanding the effects of narcissistic abuse can help victims recognize and address the impact it has on their mental health, particularly its link to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other issues.
Understanding Narcissistic Abuse Narcissistic abuse is characterized by gaslighting, constant criticism, and manipulation to control and exploit victims. Those affected often suffer from an erosion of self-esteem and distorted perception due to the abuser’s tactics. Isolating victims from supportive relationships leaves them dependent on the abuser for identity and validation.
The Link Between Narcissistic Abuse and PTSD Narcissistic abuse, especially when prolonged, often leads to PTSD due to several factors:
Emotional Manipulation: Manipulation causes emotional instability and confusion, undermining the victim’s sense of security.
Gaslighting: This tactic makes victims doubt their memory and perception, creating chronic anxiety and self-doubt.
Devaluation and Discarding: The abuser builds victims up with affection before tearing them down, leaving them feeling worthless.
Isolation: By isolating victims, narcissists increase dependence, amplifying emotional distress.
Hypervigilance: Fear of the abuser’s unpredictable reactions triggers hypervigilance, leading to anxiety and panic attacks.
The Effects of Narcissistic Abuse on Mental Health Victims of narcissistic abuse often suffer from a range of mental health issues, including PTSD. These narcissistic abuse effects include:
Depression: Persistent manipulation leads to feelings of worthlessness and despair.
Anxiety Disorders: Erratic behavior induces chronic anxiety and panic.
Low Self-Esteem: Continuous devaluation diminishes the victim’s sense of self-worth.
Complex PTSD: Prolonged abuse results in emotional dysregulation and hypervigilance.
By addressing these patterns and working towards recovery, it’s possible to heal from the long-term effects of narcissistic abuse.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse Recovery requires time, support, and self-care:
Seek Professional Help: Work with a trauma-informed therapist to address psychological wounds.
Establish Boundaries: Learn to set boundaries to protect yourself.
Reconnect with Support: Rebuild relationships with supportive friends or family.
Educate Yourself: Understanding narcissistic patterns can prevent further manipulation.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize activities that promote relaxation and personal growth.
Conclusion Narcissistic abuse devastates mental health, often leading to PTSD and other mental health issues. Recognizing these patterns and seeking support are critical steps in recovery. With the right education and boundaries, rebuilding one’s sense of identity and worth is possible.
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