Oct 12, 2025 | Health, Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety
Understanding Crazy-Making: How Narcissistic Manipulation Distorts Reality and Impacts Mental Health
Part 1: The Pattern Explained
Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling confused, doubting yourself, or wondering whether you imagined what just happened?
If so, you may have experienced crazy-making — a form of psychological manipulation that systematically distorts reality and undermines a person’s trust in their own perceptions.
Crazy-making is especially common in relationships involving narcissists and emotionally abusive individuals. Over time, it can erode confidence, destabilise mental health, and leave people questioning their sanity.
This article explains what crazy-making is, how it works, why it is so damaging, and how to recognise it. In Part 2, we examine how this pattern operates inside narcissistic family systems and what it takes to reclaim your reality.
What Is Crazy-Making?
Crazy-making is a form of psychological manipulation designed to confuse, destabilise, and disempower another person. It works by repeatedly denying, minimising, contradicting, or rewriting events so that the victim begins to doubt their own memory, judgement, and emotional responses.
Unlike overt abuse, crazy-making often appears subtle. The manipulator may sound calm, logical, or even concerned, while consistently undermining the other person’s experience.
As described by Psychology Today, these tactics are commonly used in emotionally abusive and narcissistic relationships where control and dominance — not understanding — are the true objectives.
How Crazy-Making Works
The goal of crazy-making is not resolution. It is destabilisation. When a person no longer trusts their own perceptions, they become easier to control.
Common tactics include:
Gaslighting
Denying events or behaviours that clearly occurred and insisting the victim is mistaken, confused, or imagining things.
Contradictory Statements
Changing stories or shifting explanations so there is no stable version of reality to rely on.
Blame Shifting
Refusing accountability and redirecting responsibility onto the victim, often accusing them of causing the very harm they are reacting to.
Projection
Attributing the manipulator’s own behaviours or intentions to the victim, creating confusion and defensiveness.
Emotional Push–Pull
Alternating between warmth and cruelty to keep the victim emotionally off balance and seeking approval.
Silent Treatment and Withholding
Withdrawing communication or affection as punishment and control — a tactic recognised by organisations such as The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Individually, these behaviours may seem confusing or dismissible. Repeated over time, they form a consistent pattern of psychological erosion.
Why Crazy-Making Is So Effective
Crazy-making works because it exploits normal human instincts:
-
The need for coherence and understanding
-
The tendency to self-reflect and self-correct
-
The desire to preserve relationships
-
The assumption that others are acting in good faith
Victims often invest enormous energy trying to explain themselves better, communicate more clearly, or fix the “misunderstanding,” not realising that the confusion itself is intentional.
Over time, attention shifts away from reality and toward managing the manipulator’s reactions.
The Psychological Impact of Crazy-Making
Long-term exposure to crazy-making has serious mental health consequences. These are not signs of weakness; they are predictable responses to sustained psychological manipulation.
Common impacts include:
Chronic Stress and Anxiety
Constant uncertainty keeps the nervous system in a state of hypervigilance.
Depression and Emotional Numbness
Repeated invalidation can lead to hopelessness, withdrawal, and loss of self-worth.
Cognitive Dissonance
The mind struggles to reconcile conflicting versions of reality, leading to exhaustion and confusion.
Loss of Self-Trust
Victims stop relying on their own judgement and seek constant external validation.
PTSD and Complex PTSD
Long-term emotional abuse, including crazy-making, is strongly associated with trauma-related conditions, as outlined by Verywell Mind.
Many people who seek therapy for anxiety or depression are responding to ongoing relational trauma rather than an internal flaw.
How Crazy-Making Shows Up in Families
Crazy-making is particularly destructive in families, where power dynamics, loyalty expectations, and shared narratives are deeply entrenched.
In narcissistic family systems:
-
One person is often assigned the scapegoat role
-
Other members reinforce a shared, distorted version of reality
-
Truth becomes negotiable, depending on who is speaking
-
Bystanders remain silent to preserve comfort or belonging
When multiple people repeat the same denial, self-doubt intensifies. This collective reinforcement is one of the most damaging aspects of family-based crazy-making.
Recognising Crazy-Making in Your Own Life
You may be experiencing crazy-making if you notice patterns such as:
-
Feeling confused after interactions, even when you were calm and clear
-
Being told you are “too sensitive” or “overreacting”
-
Having your emotions dismissed rather than addressed
-
Apologising just to restore peace
-
Constantly explaining, justifying, or defending yourself
Awareness is not about blaming yourself. It is about restoring orientation to reality.
Protecting Yourself From Crazy-Making
Breaking free from crazy-making begins with small but deliberate shifts:
-
Trust your perceptions — if something feels off, it probably is
-
Set and enforce boundaries consistently
-
Stop debating reality with people who benefit from distortion
-
Seek outside perspective from trauma-informed professionals or trusted allies
-
Educate yourself about manipulation tactics
If you are in Australia, services such as 1800RESPECT and Beyond Blue can provide confidential support and guidance.
Why This Matters
Crazy-making is not miscommunication.
It is not a personality clash.
It is not something you can fix by trying harder.
It is a pattern of psychological control that thrives on self-doubt.
Understanding this pattern is often the first step toward reclaiming mental health, autonomy, and self-trust.
Continue to Part 2
In Part 2: Crazy-Making in Narcissistic Families — How I Reclaimed My Reality, we examine how this pattern operates inside a narcissistic family system, the cost it takes on the body and mind, and the boundaries that make healing possible.
Mar 30, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety
Breaking free from narcissistic abuse requires not just mental reframing but also physical grounding. By pairing these powerful mantras with intentional breathing exercises, you can reinforce your healing process and regulate your nervous system.
Mantra & Breathwork Practice
Each mantra below is paired with a specific breathing technique to enhance its impact. Practice these daily in a quiet space, allowing yourself to fully absorb their healing energy.
1. Letting Go of Responsibility
Mantra: “I am not responsible for the narcissist’s actions or behaviour. I am only responsible for my own healing and well-being.”
Breathwork: 4-7-8 Breathing (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds)
Purpose: Releases anxiety and resets your nervous system.
2. Affirming Self-Worth
Mantra: “I am worthy of love, respect, and healthy relationships. I deserve to be treated with kindness, empathy, and understanding.”
Breathwork: Heart-Centered Breathing (Inhale deeply while imagining love entering your heart, exhale releasing self-doubt)
Purpose: Cultivates self-love and confidence.
3. Reclaiming Identity
Mantra: “I am not defined by the narcissist’s perception of me. I am my own unique, authentic self, and I will honour and embrace my true identity.”
Breathwork: Box Breathing (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4)
Purpose: Grounds you in your true self.
4. Setting Boundaries
Mantra: “I will set healthy boundaries to protect myself from further harm. I have the right to say ‘no’ and prioritize my own well-being.”
Breathwork: Lion’s Breath (Inhale deeply through your nose, exhale strongly through your mouth with a ‘ha’ sound)
Purpose: Releases tension and empowers assertiveness.
5. Releasing the Need for Validation
Mantra: “I release the need for approval and validation from the narcissist. I am enough just as I am, and I don’t need their validation to feel worthy.”
Breathwork: Alternate Nostril Breathing (Close right nostril, inhale through left; switch nostrils and exhale)
Purpose: Balances emotions and promotes inner peace.
6. Taking Back Control
Mantra: “I will not allow the narcissist to control or manipulate me any longer. I am in charge of my own life and choices.”
Breathwork: Power Breathing (Inhale deeply through nose, exhale forcefully through mouth)
Purpose: Builds strength and personal empowerment.
7. Practicing Self-Care
Mantra: “I will practice self-care and self-compassion. I deserve to prioritize my own physical, emotional, and mental well-being.”
Breathwork: Ocean Breath (Ujjayi) (Inhale and exhale through nose with slight throat constriction)
Purpose: Soothes and calms the mind.
8. Releasing Self-Blame
Mantra: “I will not blame myself for the narcissist’s behaviour. I did not cause it, and I cannot change it. I will focus on my own healing and growth.”
Breathwork: Sighing Breath (Deep inhale through nose, loud sigh on exhale)
Purpose: Releases stored guilt and tension.
9. Surrounding Yourself with Support
Mantra: “I will surround myself with supportive and healthy relationships. I deserve to be surrounded by people who lift me up and support my healing journey.”
Breathwork: Gratitude Breathing (Inhale gratitude, exhale negativity)
Purpose: Encourages connection and openness.
10. Embracing Resilience
Mantra: “I am resilient and capable of healing from the wounds of narcissistic abuse. I will take each step at my own pace and celebrate my progress.”
Breathwork: Deep Belly Breathing (Breathe deeply into the diaphragm, expanding belly)
Purpose: Strengthens inner resilience and calm.
Final Reflection:
Healing from narcissistic abuse takes time and conscious effort. Be patient with yourself, seek supportive relationships, and make self-care a priority. Combining these mantras with breathwork creates a powerful tool for reclaiming your strength, inner peace, and self-worth. You are not alone, and you deserve a life free from toxicity and full of love and self-empowerment.
Mar 29, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety
The Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Deception, Lies, and Cheating
Introduction
Narcissists are masters of deception, using a combination of technology, manipulation tactics, and behavioral strategies to conceal their lies and cheating. Whether in a romantic relationship, business setting, or social environment, they will go to great lengths to avoid being exposed.
Understanding the tools they use can help you identify red flags and protect yourself from being manipulated. This article explores the apps, spyware, internet tactics, and behaviors narcissists use to cover their tracks and maintain control over their victims.
Digital Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Lies
1. Secret Messaging Apps
Narcissists who cheat or engage in secretive activities often use messaging apps designed to hide conversations. These apps provide disappearing messages, encrypted chats, and hidden features that make it difficult for their partners or victims to discover the truth.
Common Apps Used:
-
WhatsApp (end-to-end encryption, disappearing messages)
-
Telegram (self-destructing messages, secret chats)
-
Signal (secure messaging with auto-delete options)
-
Vault Apps (such as Calculator+, which disguises chats as a calculator app)
These tools allow narcissists to communicate with others while making it seem like nothing suspicious is happening. Read more about how disappearing messages work.
2. Multiple Social Media and Fake Accounts
Narcissists may maintain multiple social media profiles to deceive their partners and manipulate different people. They often:
-
Use burner accounts to flirt or communicate with new targets.
-
Have a “clean” public account that shows a perfect image while using secret accounts for cheating.
-
Block certain people from viewing their stories or posts to control their narrative.
They might also use Facebook’s “restricted list” feature to hide updates from specific people while appearing as if they haven’t blocked them. Learn how fake social media accounts are used for deception.
3. Hidden Phone Features and Apps
Many smartphones come with features that can be exploited for deception. Narcissists may use:
-
Private browsing mode (Incognito mode) to prevent a history trail.
-
Dual SIM cards or burner phones to maintain secret relationships.
-
App lockers that require a password to access certain apps or conversations.
-
Google Voice or Skype numbers to communicate without using their real phone number.
These tools help them maintain multiple relationships or lie about their activities without leaving evidence behind.
Spyware and Surveillance Tools
4. Keyloggers and Spyware
Some narcissists take control to an extreme level by secretly installing spyware or keyloggers on their partner’s devices. These tools allow them to:
-
Read messages and emails.
-
Monitor browsing history.
-
Track locations through GPS.
-
Eavesdrop on conversations.
Popular spyware tools include FlexiSPY, mSpy, and Hoverwatch, which can be used to monitor a victim’s activity without their knowledge. Find out more about how spyware invades privacy.
5. Tracking Devices and GPS Manipulation
A narcissist may use tracking devices to know where their partner is at all times. This can include:
-
AirTags or Tile trackers placed in a partner’s bag or car.
-
Shared location services like Find My iPhone or Google Maps location sharing.
-
Fake GPS apps to lie about their own whereabouts.
These tools help them create a false sense of security while continuing their deception.
Internet Tactics for Hiding Their Tracks
6. Incognito Mode and VPNs
To hide their online activities, narcissists often use:
-
Incognito mode to prevent browser history from being saved.
-
VPN services to mask their IP address and access sites without being traced.
-
Proxy servers to appear as if they are browsing from another location.
This makes it harder for their partner to discover suspicious online activities.
7. Disposable Email Addresses
A narcissist may create multiple email accounts to register on dating sites or communicate with secret contacts. Services like ProtonMail, Temp-Mail, and Guerilla Mail allow them to send and receive emails without leaving a permanent record.
8. Hiding Transactions and Financial Activity
To cover up financial deception, narcissists may:
-
Use cryptocurrency for untraceable transactions.
-
Withdraw small amounts of cash over time to avoid suspicion.
-
Use prepaid debit cards or PayPal accounts under fake names.
-
Create bogus business transactions to justify unusual spending.
These tactics help them fund secret affairs, gifts for other partners, or maintain a hidden life without raising red flags.
Behavioral Tactics to Avoid Detection
9. Gaslighting and Denial
When confronted, narcissists rely on psychological manipulation to make you doubt what you’ve seen or heard. They may:
-
Deny everything, even when presented with evidence.
-
Accuse you of being paranoid or overly suspicious.
-
Twist the story to make themselves the victim.
-
Minimize their actions, saying things like “It was just a joke” or “You’re overreacting.”
This leaves you questioning your own reality, making it harder to hold them accountable.
10. Creating Fake Alibis and Using Friends
To cover their tracks, narcissists often:
-
Ask friends to lie for them (“Tell her I was with you last night.”)
-
Stage fake evidence (sending texts that say, “Just working late” while they’re on a date with someone else).
-
Blame others (“That wasn’t me; someone must have hacked my account.”)
By crafting a believable story, they make it difficult to prove their deception.
11. Stonewalling and Deflection
If they feel they are close to being exposed, narcissists will:
This tactic ensures that the conversation never focuses on their actions but instead turns into an argument about something unrelated.
Protecting Yourself from a Deceptive Narcissist
If you suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist who is hiding their deception, consider these steps:
-
Do not openly confront them until you have solid proof.
-
Secure your own devices (change passwords, enable two-factor authentication).
-
Check for spyware on your phone and laptop.
-
Avoid sharing your location or sensitive information.
-
Seek support from a trusted friend, therapist, or support group.
-
Consider leaving the relationship if deception is persistent.
Conclusion
Narcissists are highly skilled at deception and will use any tool available to maintain control and avoid exposure. From secret messaging apps and tracking devices to psychological manipulation, they go to great lengths to protect their lies.
By recognizing these red flags, you can take proactive steps to safeguard yourself and break free from their toxic cycle. Remember, the best defense is awareness—stay informed and trust your instincts.
Feb 8, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety, Uncategorized
The Impact of Heartbreak on Health: Emotional and Physical Well-Being
Introduction
Heartbreak is a universal human experience that can be both emotionally and physically overwhelming. Whether it stems from the end of a romantic relationship, the loss of a loved one, or any significant emotional loss, the effects of heartbreak can be profound. It can impact our mental health, disrupt our daily routines, and even lead to long-term physical health consequences.
Understanding the ways in which heartbreak affects both emotional and physical well-being is crucial for recovery. This blog will explore these effects and provide actionable coping strategies to help you navigate this difficult period.
The Emotional Toll of Heartbreak
Heartbreak triggers a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, and grief. While the intensity and duration of these emotions may vary from person to person, the sense of loss and emptiness can be overwhelming.
Emotional Symptoms of Heartbreak
- Sadness and Grief – It is common to feel deep sorrow and grief after a heartbreak. The sense of loss can be overwhelming, making it difficult to focus on daily tasks.
- Anxiety and Fear – Many people experience anxiety about the future, wondering if they will ever recover or find happiness again.
- Anger and Resentment – Betrayal or rejection can lead to feelings of anger and resentment, which can be difficult to process.
- Guilt and Self-Blame – Some individuals may question their actions, wondering if they could have done something differently to prevent the loss.
- Loss of Self-Esteem – Heartbreak can make people feel unworthy or unloved, leading to a decrease in self-confidence.
How Emotional Distress Affects Daily Life
When experiencing heartbreak, it is common to struggle with basic daily functions, including:
- Difficulty Concentrating – Thoughts about the past relationship or situation can be intrusive, making it hard to focus on work or personal responsibilities.
- Changes in Sleep Patterns – Some people may struggle with insomnia, while others may oversleep as a way of escaping painful emotions.
- Appetite Fluctuations – Emotional distress can lead to either emotional eating or a loss of appetite, both of which impact overall health.
- Social Withdrawal – Many people isolate themselves, feeling unable to engage with others or maintain social connections.
Over time, unresolved emotional distress can contribute to more severe mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety disorders. This is why taking steps to heal emotionally is essential.
The Physical Toll of Heartbreak
Heartbreak not only takes a toll on your emotions but also has significant effects on your physical health. The body responds to emotional distress in ways that can lead to real, measurable health consequences.
Increased Stress Hormones
When experiencing heartbreak, the body releases higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. Elevated cortisol levels can:
- Increase heart rate and blood pressure, which puts stress on the cardiovascular system.
- Contribute to inflammation, increasing the risk of chronic illnesses.
- Cause digestive issues, leading to stomach pain, nausea, or irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
Weakened Immune System
Prolonged stress can weaken the immune system, making you more susceptible to illnesses, colds, and infections. People going through heartbreak often experience:
- Frequent colds or flu-like symptoms.
- Slow recovery from minor illnesses.
- Increased susceptibility to inflammation-related conditions.
Sleep Disruptions
Sleep is essential for mental and physical well-being, but heartbreak often leads to:
- Insomnia or restless sleep due to racing thoughts and emotional distress.
- Vivid dreams or nightmares related to the loss.
- Waking up frequently throughout the night, leading to chronic fatigue.
Appetite Changes and Digestive Issues
Heartbreak can disrupt eating habits, leading to:
- Loss of Appetite – Some people experience reduced hunger, leading to unintentional weight loss and nutritional deficiencies.
- Emotional Eating – Others turn to comfort foods, often high in sugar and unhealthy fats, which can contribute to weight gain and metabolic issues.
- Digestive Issues – Increased stress can cause nausea, bloating, and gastrointestinal discomfort.
Mental Health Challenges
Persistent emotional distress can escalate into more severe mental health issues, such as:
- Depression – A prolonged state of sadness, lack of motivation, and hopelessness.
- Anxiety – Increased worry and fear about the future, sometimes leading to panic attacks.
- Post-Traumatic Stress Symptoms – In extreme cases, heartbreak can trigger symptoms similar to PTSD, particularly if the breakup was traumatic.
Understanding these physical effects can help validate your experience and motivate you to take proactive steps toward healing.
Coping Strategies for Heartbreak
While heartbreak can feel unbearable, there are effective ways to cope and heal both emotionally and physically. Here are some strategies to support your well-being during this difficult time.
1. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions
Suppressing emotions can prolong the healing process. Instead, acknowledge and process your feelings in a healthy way:
- Journaling about your emotions.
- Talking to a trusted friend or therapist.
- Allowing yourself to cry when needed.
2. Seek Support
You don’t have to go through heartbreak alone. Reach out to:
- Close friends and family members who can provide comfort and perspective.
- Support groups or online communities where others share similar experiences.
- Professional counselors or therapists for guidance and coping tools.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
Taking care of your body and mind is crucial for recovery. Focus on:
- Quality Sleep – Establish a bedtime routine and avoid screens before bed.
- Healthy Eating – Nourish your body with balanced meals to maintain energy levels.
- Regular Exercise – Physical activity releases endorphins, which help improve mood.
- Relaxation Techniques – Practices like meditation, yoga, and deep breathing can help reduce stress.
4. Engage in Healthy Distractions
Redirecting your energy can help shift focus from heartbreak to self-growth. Consider:
- Taking up a new hobby or revisiting an old passion.
- Traveling or exploring new places for a fresh perspective.
- Volunteering to help others, which can be incredibly fulfilling.
5. Limit Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Avoid habits that may worsen emotional distress, such as:
- Excessive alcohol or drug use.
- Obsessively checking social media for updates on the person involved.
- Isolating yourself for prolonged periods.
6. Be Patient with the Healing Process
Healing from heartbreak is not a linear process. It takes time, and setbacks are normal. Remind yourself that:
- It’s okay to have bad days.
- Growth comes from challenges, and you will emerge stronger.
- With time and effort, you will find happiness again.
Conclusion
Heartbreak is an intense and deeply personal experience that affects both emotional and physical health. The stress, sadness, and grief associated with heartbreak can impact mental well-being, disrupt sleep, weaken the immune system, and contribute to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
However, by understanding these effects and implementing healthy coping strategies, it is possible to navigate heartbreak in a way that promotes healing and personal growth. Prioritizing self-care, seeking support, and allowing yourself to grieve will help you regain emotional balance and emerge stronger.
Though the pain may feel overwhelming now, remember that healing is possible. With time, patience, and self-compassion, you will move forward and rediscover joy in life.
May 9, 2024 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety
Introduction Narcissistic abuse is a form of psychological manipulation with devastating consequences. Understanding the effects of narcissistic abuse can help victims recognize and address the impact it has on their mental health, particularly its link to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other issues. Understanding Narcissistic Abuse Narcissistic abuse is characterized by gaslighting, constant criticism, and manipulation to control and exploit victims. Those affected often suffer from an erosion of self-esteem and distorted perception due to the abuser’s tactics. Isolating victims from supportive relationships leaves them dependent on the abuser for identity and validation. The Link Between Narcissistic Abuse and PTSD Narcissistic abuse, especially when prolonged, often leads to PTSD due to several factors:
- Emotional Manipulation: Manipulation causes emotional instability and confusion, undermining the victim’s sense of security.
- Gaslighting: This tactic makes victims doubt their memory and perception, creating chronic anxiety and self-doubt.
- Devaluation and Discarding: The abuser builds victims up with affection before tearing them down, leaving them feeling worthless.
- Isolation: By isolating victims, narcissists increase dependence, amplifying emotional distress.
- Hypervigilance: Fear of the abuser’s unpredictable reactions triggers hypervigilance, leading to anxiety and panic attacks.
The Effects of Narcissistic Abuse on Mental Health Victims of narcissistic abuse often suffer from a range of mental health issues, including PTSD. These narcissistic abuse effects include:
- Depression: Persistent manipulation leads to feelings of worthlessness and despair.
- Anxiety Disorders: Erratic behavior induces chronic anxiety and panic.
- Low Self-Esteem: Continuous devaluation diminishes the victim’s sense of self-worth.
- Complex PTSD: Prolonged abuse results in emotional dysregulation and hypervigilance.
By addressing these patterns and working towards recovery, it’s possible to heal from the long-term effects of narcissistic abuse. Healing from Narcissistic Abuse Recovery requires time, support, and self-care:
- Seek Professional Help: Work with a trauma-informed therapist to address psychological wounds.
- Establish Boundaries: Learn to set boundaries to protect yourself.
- Reconnect with Support: Rebuild relationships with supportive friends or family.
- Educate Yourself: Understanding narcissistic patterns can prevent further manipulation.
- Practice Self-Care: Prioritize activities that promote relaxation and personal growth.
Conclusion Narcissistic abuse devastates mental health, often leading to PTSD and other mental health issues. Recognizing these patterns and seeking support are critical steps in recovery. With the right education and boundaries, rebuilding one’s sense of identity and worth is possible.
