What Information Does a Private Investigator Need to Catch a Cheating Partner?

What Information Does a Private Investigator Need to Catch a Cheating Partner?

Nov 29, 2025 | Resources, safety

If you’re reading this, you’re probably not killing time over a cup of tea.

More likely, you’re staring at your phone late at night, replaying conversations, second-guessing your instincts and wondering whether you’re imagining things… or whether your partner is actually cheating.

When you add narcissistic behaviour into the mix – gaslighting, blame-shifting, “you’re crazy” comments – trusting yourself gets even harder.

For some people, hiring a private investigator for a cheating partner becomes the turning point. It’s not about being dramatic; it’s about getting something narcissists hate: evidence and clarity.

In this guide, you’ll find:

  • What information a private investigator (PI) actually needs

  • How tech, multiple numbers and AI make cheating easier to hide

  • Why narcissistic cheating behaviour thrives in this digital mess

  • How to protect yourself and your privacy through the process

No fluff. Just straight talk so you can make informed decisions.

Why Hire a Private Investigator for Infidelity?

First things first: you are not “paranoid” or “vindictive” for wanting answers.

Cheating – especially when it’s tied up with narcissistic traits – can:

  • Shred your sense of reality

  • Trigger old trauma and attachment wounds

  • Blow up finances, living arrangements and future plans

Because of that, a private investigator for infidelity can play a very specific role. They aren’t there to tell you what to feel. Instead, they:

  • Observe real-world behaviour

  • Record what actually happens (not just what you’re told happened)

  • Provide timelines, reports, photos and videos you can use for closure or in legal settings

However, even the sharpest PI cannot read minds. To avoid wasting time and money, they need you to come in with clear, accurate information.

Before You Call a PI: Quick Reality Check

Most people don’t wake up one day and randomly google “how to catch a cheating partner”. They usually reach that point because:

  • Something feels “off” but they can’t pin it down

  • They’ve seen troubling signs and been gaslit into doubting themselves

  • They need proof for separation, custody or property settlement

  • They’re desperate to know they’re not losing the plot

You don’t have to be 100% sure before you speak to someone. What helps far more is being organised and honest about what you’ve already noticed.

1. Core Details About Your Partner

Let’s start with the boring but essential stuff. A PI needs to know exactly who they’re watching so they aren’t fumbling around in the dark.

Try to have as much of this ready as possible:

  • Full name, plus nicknames they actually use

  • Date of birth (even just month/year is better than nothing)

  • Mobile number or numbers – including any “work” mobiles

  • Email addresses – personal, work and any “spare” accounts you know about

  • Home address and work address

  • Usual work hours and roster or shift patterns

  • Vehicle details:

    • Make, model and colour

    • Number plate

    • Other vehicles they regularly drive (work ute, motorbike, friend’s car)

In addition, recent photos help a lot. Different angles, with or without glasses, and in work clothes if relevant, make it easier for the investigator to confirm they’re following the right person.

Example:
“We’ve been together 8 years. He works at a warehouse in town, officially 7am–3pm, but lately claims he’s staying until 6 or 7 ‘to help out’. Drives a black Mazda 3, plates XYZ-123.”

The clearer you are here, the smoother (and cheaper) the investigation becomes.

2. Your Relationship Snapshot (Why Context Matters)

Next, your PI needs to understand what “normal” used to look like for you both. Without that context, changes in behaviour are harder to spot.

It helps to explain:

  • How long you’ve been together

  • Whether you live together or separately

  • Whether you’re married, de facto or engaged

  • Whether there are kids or step-kids involved

  • How responsibilities are usually split (school runs, housework, bills, pets)

  • Any big shifts in the last 6–12 months:

    • New job, gym, hobby or friendship circle

    • Sudden health kick or intense self-improvement phase

    • More travel, work trips or “work functions”

On TheNarcSlayer.com, we see this pattern over and over with narcissistic partners. They build plausible cover stories – “I’m focusing on my career”, “I’m finally looking after my health”, “I need more freedom” – while quietly rearranging their life behind the scenes.

Once your PI knows the baseline, they can identify where your partner’s story stops matching their actual behaviour.

3. What’s Actually Making You Suspicious

This is where you drop the “I don’t want to sound crazy” act. You’re not in a courtroom; you’re giving the investigator raw data.

Instead of a vague, “He’s just acting weird,” be specific about:

  • How he or she has changed

  • When you notice it most

  • How often it happens

Common red flags of a cheating – and often narcissistic – partner include:

  • Suddenly guarding their phone like it’s state-secret material

  • New passwords, Face ID or lock screen settings that weren’t there before

  • Phone always turned face-down, on silent or in another room

  • New “work drinks” or late nights that never used to exist

  • Snapping or deflecting when you ask basic questions

  • Changes in intimacy – from cold withdrawal to intense overcompensating

  • Gaslighting: “You’re imagining things”, “You’re obsessed”, “You’re controlling”

Example:
“Every Thursday he says he’s at ‘networking drinks’. There are no photos, no tags, and he can never tell me who was there. When I ask, he gets angry and says I’m paranoid.”

Those details aren’t you being dramatic. They’re patterns, and that’s exactly what investigators watch for.

4. How Phones, Multiple Numbers and Apps Make Cheating Easier

These days, you don’t always find a literal burner phone hidden in the car. Technology has made it simple to run multiple lives from one device, and narcissistic cheaters love that.

Someone can now:

  • Run several numbers on a single phone

    • eSIMs, VoIP numbers and app-based lines

    • “Work” numbers that magically turn into “private” lines after hours

  • Use separate contact lists so certain names never appear in the main phonebook

  • Keep entire relationships inside encrypted chat apps:

    • WhatsApp, Signal, Telegram

    • Instagram and Facebook DMs

    • Messaging inside games or productivity apps

  • Turn on disappearing messages, secret chats and auto-delete features

  • Hide photos, videos and documents in locked folders or disguised apps

For a person with narcissistic traits, this setup is ideal. It allows them to:

  • Feel entitled to do whatever they want

  • Assume they’re smarter than everyone and “too clever” to be caught

  • Maintain the main relationship at home while juggling extra supply on the side

Because of this, a whole industry has sprung up around multiple numbers, privacy tools and “discreet communication”. There is serious money in making it easier to hide.

New Tools Cheaters Use (and What PIs Watch For)

Modern cheaters, especially manipulative ones, tend to exploit:

  • Burner apps and extra numbers used only for specific people

  • Private browsers and incognito mode to hide searches and logins

  • Photo vault apps disguised as calculators or tools

  • Multiple social media accounts:

    • One respectable, public profile for family and work

    • One “real” profile for flirting, hookup culture and secret contacts

  • AI tools that:

    • Help clean up message histories at speed

    • Generate fake “proof” of where they were

    • Draft charming or emotionally tuned responses with minimal effort

You don’t need to become a digital forensics expert. Even so, it’s worth mentioning to your PI if you’ve noticed:

  • A “business” number or profile that seems to live its own separate life

  • Random numbers showing up in screenshots or profiles

  • Apps you never see them openly use, but they always protect fiercely

  • Chats you glimpsed once and then never found again

  • Heavy use of lock apps, hidden folders or “privacy” features

Investigators who understand narcissistic cheating behaviour know how these tools fit into a double life. They’ll factor this into their plan from the start.

5. Times, Places and Patterns to Watch

Surveillance is usually the most expensive part of an infidelity investigation. You don’t want someone sitting in a car for ten hours on the off-chance something happens.

Instead, you want to help your PI target the windows of time when shady behaviour is most likely.

Consider:

  • When your gut screams the loudest:

    • Are certain days always “busy”?

    • Are there regular gym nights, “meetings” or gaming sessions that don’t quite add up?

  • Where they might be going:

    • Repeat suburbs, hotels, bars, gyms or friends’ houses

  • What events are coming up:

    • Work conferences

    • “Boys’ weekends” or “girls’ trips”

    • Christmas parties and end-of-year functions

Example:
“He’s consistently unavailable between 6–9pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He claims he’s at the gym, but the gym closes at 8pm. The Uber charges to other suburbs always appear on those nights.”

With this kind of information, the PI can plan surveillance around high-probability times rather than guessing.

6. Evidence You Already Have (Even If It Looks Small)

You might already be sitting on a pile of useful clues without realising it. On their own they might look minor, but together they tell a story.

Legally and ethically, you can gather:

  • Screenshots of:

    • Flirty or intimate messages

    • Late-night chats that cross boundaries

    • Suspicious social media comments and reactions

  • Call logs showing:

    • Frequent calls or texts from unknown or hidden numbers

  • Bank and credit card records:

    • Hotels, restaurants, bar tabs, gifts, lingerie, flowers

  • Photos of:

    • Receipts or bookings you’ve stumbled across

    • Items that appear or disappear with no explanation

  • A simple timeline:

    • Dates, times and brief notes such as “Said he was at X, but bank charge shows Y”

Example:
“I’ve got three months of bank statements with hotel charges in the city on nights he claimed to be staying at his brother’s, plus screenshots of late-night messages with a woman from work.”

An experienced investigator can often pull clear patterns from what you’ve been trying to piece together in your head.

7. Be Clear About Your Goal (And Your Limits)

Not everyone wants the same outcome from a cheating investigation. In fact, being vague here only makes the process harder for you.

Some people want:

  • Concrete evidence for legal reasons – divorce, custody, property settlement

Others are mainly seeking:

  • Emotional closure – a clear answer so they can stop obsessing and move forward

And quite a few secretly hope:

  • That nothing is happening and they can relax

Because of that, it’s important to be upfront with your PI about:

  • What a “successful result” looks like to you

  • Whether you plan to use evidence in court

  • How much detail you’re okay with seeing – not everyone wants explicit photos or video

Examples:

  • “If he is cheating, I’ll need evidence to support separation and financial decisions.”

  • “I’m not going to court. I just want to know the truth so I can decide whether to stay or leave.”

The investigator can then shape their strategy – and how they present the findings – around your needs.

8. Budget, Boundaries and What’s Off-Limits

Private investigations aren’t cheap. Time, travel, equipment and reporting all cost money, so it’s better to be realistic rather than shy.

Have an honest conversation about:

  • What you can afford overall or per week

  • Whether you want:

    • A focused operation around a specific event, or

    • Monitoring over a longer period

  • Where your hard boundaries are:

    • No following or photographing your children

    • No contact with your employer or family

    • No graphic content if that would be traumatising for you

A professional PI will help you prioritise and say, “Here’s what we can realistically achieve within that budget, and here’s when it’s most effective to act.”

9. Legal and Ethical Boundaries (So It Doesn’t Backfire)

A proper private investigator must stay inside the law. That protects you as much as it protects them.

A reputable PI will not:

  • Hack phones, emails or social media accounts

  • Install illegal spyware or tracking devices

  • Break into property, vehicles or devices

  • Pretend to be police or a government authority

Any offer along those lines is a major red flag. Remember, narcissistic people are experts at flipping the script. The last thing you need is your ex waving evidence of your illegal behaviour in front of a judge.

To protect yourself, ask the PI directly:

  • What methods they use in infidelity investigations

  • What is legal in your state or country

  • How often their evidence ends up being used successfully in court

That way, you end up with clean, solid evidence instead of a legal mess.

10. Protecting Your Privacy and Safety

You’re not only exposing your partner’s secrets; you’re handing over very personal information about yourself too. Because of that, privacy and safety matter.

Before signing anything, ask:

  • Do you have a written confidentiality policy?

  • How will my data and documents be stored, and for how long?

  • Can my case be labelled under a code name instead of my full legal name?

  • Who in your office has access to my file?

  • What happens to the evidence once the case is finished?

If your partner has been abusive, controlling or vindictive, say so. A good PI will adjust how they contact you, what they put in writing and how they manage sensitive material so you’re not left exposed.

Quick Prep Checklist for Your First Meeting with a PI

You can copy this straight into your notes app and tick things off:

  • Partner’s full name, date of birth, mobile and email

  • Home and work addresses, plus usual work hours or roster

  • Vehicle details (make, model, colour and rego)

  • Short summary of your relationship and living situation

  • Clear list of suspicious behaviours with dates/times where possible

  • Screenshots, bank records or other “receipts” you already have

  • Notes about weird phone/app behaviour, multiple numbers or secret chats

  • Your main goal: legal evidence, emotional closure, or both

  • A realistic budget and any non-negotiable boundaries

  • Questions about privacy, data storage and legal limits

Final Thoughts: Clarity Is Powerful (And Narcissists Hate It)

Hiring a private investigator to catch a cheating partner is a big step. Most people don’t do it lightly.

Even so, there are some hard truths:

  • Living in constant doubt destroys your self-worth

  • Being lied to and gaslit trains you not to trust your own mind

  • Narcissistic behaviour is designed to keep you confused and off-balance

Evidence cuts through that fog.

Once the investigation is done – whether it confirms infidelity or clears your partner – you get one crucial thing back: your reality.

From that point on, you get to decide:

  • Do I stay, or do I leave?

  • What boundaries do I set from here?

  • What support do I need – emotionally, legally, financially – to move forward?

At TheNarcSlayer.com, the bottom line is simple:
You deserve truth. You deserve safety. You deserve a life where you’re not constantly questioning your sanity because someone else is lying to your face.

If you decide to go down the PI path, go in prepared, informed and clear about your goals. Whatever the outcome, let it be the beginning of backing yourself – not doubting yourself.

Understanding Crazy Making: How It Happens and Its Impact on Your Mental Health 

Understanding Crazy Making: How It Happens and Its Impact on Your Mental Health 

Oct 12, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety

What is Crazy Making?

Crazy making is a form of psychological manipulation that distorts reality, leaving victims feeling confused, emotionally drained, and doubting their own perceptions. It often occurs in relationships with narcissists or other manipulative individuals who use a series of tactics to create instability and maintain control over their victims. These tactics include gaslighting, denial, projection, shifting blame, and contradictory behavior, making it difficult for the victim to distinguish between truth and manipulation (Psychology Today).

How Crazy Making Works

The primary goal of crazy making is to destabilize the victim’s perception of reality. Some common tactics used by manipulators include:

  • Gaslighting: This involves denying facts, twisting events, and making the victim question their memory and sanity (Psychology Today).

  • Contradictory Statements: The manipulator frequently changes their stance or tells conflicting stories to create confusion.

  • Blame Shifting: They refuse accountability and place the blame on the victim, making them feel responsible for the manipulator’s actions.

  • Projection: Accusing the victim of behaviors the manipulator is actually engaging in, making it difficult for the victim to defend themselves.

  • Emotional Manipulation: Playing on the victim’s emotions, alternating between affection and cruelty to keep them on edge.

  • Silent Treatment & Withholding: Ignoring the victim or withholding affection as a means of control and punishment (National Domestic Violence Hotline).

The Psychological Impact of Crazy Making

Being subjected to crazy making can have profound and lasting effects on a person’s mental health, including:

  • Chronic Stress and Anxiety: Constant confusion and self-doubt create a high-stress environment that can lead to anxiety disorders.

  • Depression: The emotional toll of feeling invalidated and powerless can contribute to depression and low self-worth.

  • Cognitive Dissonance: The victim struggles to reconcile contradictory information, leading to mental exhaustion.

  • Loss of Self-Trust: Continuous manipulation erodes the victim’s confidence in their own judgment and perceptions.

  • PTSD and C-PTSD: Prolonged exposure to crazy making can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, especially in cases of ongoing emotional abuse (Verywell Mind).

Recognizing and Protecting Yourself from Crazy Making

Awareness is the first step in breaking free from crazy making. Here are some strategies to protect yourself:

  1. Trust Your Perceptions: If something feels off, trust your instincts. Keep a journal to document conversations and events.

  2. Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviors you will and will not tolerate. Enforce consequences for boundary violations.

  3. Limit Engagement: Minimize interactions with manipulators and avoid arguing with them, as they thrive on control and chaos.

  4. Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist for validation and guidance.

  5. Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote mental well-being, such as meditation, exercise, and mindfulness.

  6. Educate Yourself: Understanding manipulation tactics can empower you to recognize and counteract them effectively.

Final Thoughts

Crazy making is a dangerous psychological manipulation tactic that can leave victims feeling lost, confused, and emotionally drained. Recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps to protect yourself can help you regain control over your mental well-being. You deserve clarity, validation, and healthy relationships. If you’ve been affected by crazy making, seeking professional support can help you heal and rebuild your confidence.

Tags: #CrazyMaking #Gaslighting #PsychologicalManipulation #MentalHealth #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #SelfCare

Relationship Red Flag Checklist

Relationship Red Flag Checklist

May 12, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, Toxic Relationships

Introduction

Narcissistic or other toxic relationships can be hard to spot immediately. Often in hindsight we recognise the red flags as more of them appear. Whether starting, or in the middle of a relationship, whether it is a romantic relationship, has family ties, friends, or even in a work setting, it can be difficult to recognise emotional harm as it unfolds. Manipulation often starts subtly, slowly undermining your confidence and boundaries. This Relationships Red Flags Checklist will help you identify red flags in behaviour, communication, and emotional patterns. Use this guide to clarify and validate your suspicions. Your emotional and psychological wellbeing is important. Read on…

 

Communication Red Flags

  • Avoids honest conversations or becomes defensive when challenged
  • Frequently contradicts themselves, causing confusion or self-doubt
  • Shifts blame to avoid accountability
  • Denies previous statements or commitments
  • Makes you feel as though you’re walking on eggshells

Emotional Red Flags

  • Excessive flattery or affection early on (love bombing), followed by withdrawal
  • A constant feeling that something’s “not quite right”
  • Dismisses or minimises your emotions
  • Uses guilt to influence your behaviour
  • Leaves you feeling anxious, emotionally drained, or confused

Psychological Red Flags

  • Engages in gaslighting—making you doubt your memories or perceptions
  • Uses passive-aggressive or coercive tactics to control the narrative
  • Switches between charm and punishment to confuse you
  • Resents your independence or growth
  • Isolates you from your support system (friends, family, community)

Respect & Boundary Red Flags

  • Dismisses your need for personal space or autonomy
  • Acts as if entitled to your time, body, or emotional labour
  • Disguises criticism as “just joking” or “being honest”
  • Mocks or downplays your boundaries and beliefs
  • Makes you feel “too sensitive” for having limits

Behavioural Red Flags

  • History of unstable or chaotic relationships
  • Patterns of dishonesty, addiction, or uncontrolled anger
  • Displays little or no empathy for your experiences
  • Holds you to standards they refuse to meet themselves
  • Refuses to take responsibility for hurtful behaviour

✅ Self-Reflection Questions

  • Do I feel emotionally and physically safe in this relationship?
  • Can I express myself honestly without fear of retaliation?
  • Does this relationship support my growth and values?
  • Am I compromising who I am in order to maintain peace?

Conclusion

Recognising red flags isn’t about placing blame, it’s about confirming and affirming your right to emotional and psychological safety. If these signs feel familiar, trust your instincts. You have a right to question, set healthy boundaries, and walk away from what harms you. You do not need permission to make decisions for what is right for you.

While some red flags may be manageable. If you find that there are quite a few that you recognise and experience, it may be time to reconsider the relationshiop dynamics. You deserve relationships built on mutual respect, care, and integrity. Awareness is the beginning of empowerment.

Signs You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist: How to Identify and Protect Yourself

Signs You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist: How to Identify and Protect Yourself

Apr 2, 2025 | Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships

Think you may be in a relationship with a narcissist? While that is a popular term being thrown around now, there are specific behaviours that will help you identify the narcissist in your life. If you are emotionally and mentally exhausted from being deceived, lied to, cheated on, and changing yourself to appease their demands, you may well be in a toxic narcissistic relationship. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting and psychologically damaging. Narcissists often exhibit traits such as an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a lack of accountability. Their manipulative behaviours can erode your self-esteem and well-being over time. Recognising the signs that you are in a relationship with a narcissist is the first step towards protecting yourself and seeking the support you need.

1. Inflated Sense of Self-Importance

Narcissists often have an exaggerated view of their abilities and achievements. They will often even re-story things to make them the main character in the stories they tell. A narcissist often needs constant admiration whether overtly or covertly, believing they are superior to others. This can manifest as bragging about their successes, dismissing others’ accomplishments, or exaggerating their influence. A narcissist will often dismiss your needs in favour of theirs.

Example: Your partner frequently reminds you that they are the reason for your success, taking credit for your achievements and belittling your contributions.

Research supports this, showing narcissists often exhibit grandiosity and a need for admiration. Read the study here.

2. Lack of Empathy

A hallmark of narcissism is a lack of genuine empathy. If they do show empathy it is usually fake, something they have learned they need to do, rather than being a sincere response. Narcissists may be dismissive or indifferent to your emotions and needs, and they rarely take responsibility for their actions. They might even blame you for their shortcomings. So too, their apologies are often hollow, empty words with no substance.

Example: When you express hurt, they respond with, “You’re too sensitive. I was just joking,” dismissing your feelings instead of acknowledging them.

Studies confirm that a lack of empathy disrupts healthy interpersonal relationships. Explore the findings.

3. Manipulation and Exploitation

Narcissists are master manipulators, and they enjoy it. With their lack of empathy, manipulating and exploiting others is just another tool they use to achieve their goals, through lying, gaining your sympathies and playing the victim or the controller, whichever mask they need to put on to achieve their goals. Common tactics include gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment.

Example: You catch your partner flirting with someone, and when you confront them, they say, “You’re imagining things. You’re just insecure.” You catch them outright cheating, with evidence, and they will still lie to your face! The goal here is to frustrate and enrage you, so that you are now the blame for your behaviour and the excuse for them to walk out on you or worse, become abusive.

These behaviours can severely impact mental health. Read more here.

4. Excessive Need for Admiration

Narcissists crave constant validation. They may brag, fish for compliments, and become upset if they don’t receive the attention they seek. They may indulge themselves in multiple covert relationships with people who are unaware of their manipulation and need for constant supply and attention.

Example: They post constantly on social media and get moody when engagement is low.

This excessive need is a key feature of narcissistic personality disorder. Learn more here.

5. Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists have an inflated sense of entitlement, often expecting special treatment and justify unfair behaviour by believing they are superior. They feel entitled to manipulate to get what they want; to lie and cheat because they are “special”; and expect to smooth it all over with fake apologies and promises to improve or get help.

Example: Your partner expects you to adjust to their plans but won’t compromise for you. They will not tolerate you doing to them what they do to you, but will expect endless “chances” and “do-overs”.

This trait is consistently found in narcissistic individuals. See research.

6. Lack of Accountability

Narcissists avoid taking responsibility and shifting blame to others. They will make up stories that are often a mixture of lies and truth to keep you confused and doubt yourself. Confronting a narcissist can lead to anger or stonewalling.

Example: They forget your birthday and say, “You should have reminded me.”

This lack of accountability is well-documented. Find out more.

7. Emotional Volatility and Mood Swings

Narcissists can flip between charm and hostility, especially when their ego is threatened. When confronted a narcissist will often deflect, ignore you, or cause a fight to justify walking out on you. This unpredictable behaviour keeps you tiptoeing around them, walking on glass, and appeasing them to keep the peace. They can go from adoring and love-bombing to complete disconnection and stonewalling you for days or even weeks.

Example: They’re affectionate in public but cold and critical at home.

Such behaviour is common among those with narcissistic traits. Read the article.

8. Difficulty Accepting Criticism

Constructive feedback is often met with hostility. Narcissists may see any form of critique as a personal attack. Some will outwardly become enraged while others who are more covert will save it up as a back mark against you and payback will be subtle, unpredictable, but guaranteed to come sooner or later. At their core a narcissist is insecure, no matter how grandiose they may appear outwardly. They take criticism very badly.

Example: You offer gentle advice, and they respond with anger, saying, “You always criticise me”.

This is a known behavioural pattern in narcissists. Details here.

9. Lack of Genuine Intimacy

Relationships with narcissists are often superficial. They struggle to form deep, emotional connections. They are wearing a mask and play a role, whichever role will get them what they want at any time. One day they are telling you they love you and the next they are cold, harsh, and abusive. A narcissist may appear to be listening to you, but are seriously uninterested in what you have to say.

Example: They tune out when you speak about your feelings, only engaging when they are the focus.

This lack of intimacy can leave you feeling isolated. See the study.

Protecting Yourself

If you resonate with any of the examples here, it is vital to protect yourself. Recognising these signs is critical for your emotional and psychological safety. If these narcissistic behaviours reflect your experience, seek support from a mental health professional, gain knowledge from others, or from websites and communities such as this. Establishing firm boundaries, practising self-care, and staying connected to trusted friends or support networks can help you reclaim your wellbeing.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and safe.

Visit The NarcSlayer for more resources, guidance, and support on healing from narcissistic abuse.

 

Healing Mantras & Breathwork for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Healing Mantras & Breathwork for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Mar 30, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety

Breaking free from narcissistic abuse requires not just mental reframing but also physical grounding. By pairing these powerful mantras with intentional breathing exercises, you can reinforce your healing process and regulate your nervous system.

Mantra & Breathwork Practice

Each mantra below is paired with a specific breathing technique to enhance its impact. Practice these daily in a quiet space, allowing yourself to fully absorb their healing energy.

1. Letting Go of Responsibility

Mantra: “I am not responsible for the narcissist’s actions or behaviour. I am only responsible for my own healing and well-being.”
Breathwork: 4-7-8 Breathing (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds)
Purpose: Releases anxiety and resets your nervous system.

2. Affirming Self-Worth

Mantra: “I am worthy of love, respect, and healthy relationships. I deserve to be treated with kindness, empathy, and understanding.”
Breathwork: Heart-Centered Breathing (Inhale deeply while imagining love entering your heart, exhale releasing self-doubt)
Purpose: Cultivates self-love and confidence.

3. Reclaiming Identity

Mantra: “I am not defined by the narcissist’s perception of me. I am my own unique, authentic self, and I will honour and embrace my true identity.”
Breathwork: Box Breathing (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4)
Purpose: Grounds you in your true self.

4. Setting Boundaries

Mantra: “I will set healthy boundaries to protect myself from further harm. I have the right to say ‘no’ and prioritize my own well-being.”
Breathwork: Lion’s Breath (Inhale deeply through your nose, exhale strongly through your mouth with a ‘ha’ sound)
Purpose: Releases tension and empowers assertiveness.

5. Releasing the Need for Validation

Mantra: “I release the need for approval and validation from the narcissist. I am enough just as I am, and I don’t need their validation to feel worthy.”
Breathwork: Alternate Nostril Breathing (Close right nostril, inhale through left; switch nostrils and exhale)
Purpose: Balances emotions and promotes inner peace.

6. Taking Back Control

Mantra: “I will not allow the narcissist to control or manipulate me any longer. I am in charge of my own life and choices.”
Breathwork: Power Breathing (Inhale deeply through nose, exhale forcefully through mouth)
Purpose: Builds strength and personal empowerment.

7. Practicing Self-Care

Mantra: “I will practice self-care and self-compassion. I deserve to prioritize my own physical, emotional, and mental well-being.”
Breathwork: Ocean Breath (Ujjayi) (Inhale and exhale through nose with slight throat constriction)
Purpose: Soothes and calms the mind.

8. Releasing Self-Blame

Mantra: “I will not blame myself for the narcissist’s behaviour. I did not cause it, and I cannot change it. I will focus on my own healing and growth.”
Breathwork: Sighing Breath (Deep inhale through nose, loud sigh on exhale)
Purpose: Releases stored guilt and tension.

9. Surrounding Yourself with Support

Mantra: “I will surround myself with supportive and healthy relationships. I deserve to be surrounded by people who lift me up and support my healing journey.”
Breathwork: Gratitude Breathing (Inhale gratitude, exhale negativity)
Purpose: Encourages connection and openness.

10. Embracing Resilience

Mantra: “I am resilient and capable of healing from the wounds of narcissistic abuse. I will take each step at my own pace and celebrate my progress.”
Breathwork: Deep Belly Breathing (Breathe deeply into the diaphragm, expanding belly)
Purpose: Strengthens inner resilience and calm.

Final Reflection:
Healing from narcissistic abuse takes time and conscious effort. Be patient with yourself, seek supportive relationships, and make self-care a priority. Combining these mantras with breathwork creates a powerful tool for reclaiming your strength, inner peace, and self-worth. You are not alone, and you deserve a life free from toxicity and full of love and self-empowerment.

The Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Deception, Lies, and Cheating

The Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Deception, Lies, and Cheating

Mar 29, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety

The Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Deception, Lies, and Cheating

Introduction

Narcissists are masters of deception, using a combination of technology, manipulation tactics, and behavioral strategies to conceal their lies and cheating. Whether in a romantic relationship, business setting, or social environment, they will go to great lengths to avoid being exposed.

Understanding the tools they use can help you identify red flags and protect yourself from being manipulated. This article explores the apps, spyware, internet tactics, and behaviors narcissists use to cover their tracks and maintain control over their victims.

Digital Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Lies

1. Secret Messaging Apps

Narcissists who cheat or engage in secretive activities often use messaging apps designed to hide conversations. These apps provide disappearing messages, encrypted chats, and hidden features that make it difficult for their partners or victims to discover the truth.

Common Apps Used:

  • WhatsApp (end-to-end encryption, disappearing messages)

  • Telegram (self-destructing messages, secret chats)

  • Signal (secure messaging with auto-delete options)

  • Vault Apps (such as Calculator+, which disguises chats as a calculator app)

These tools allow narcissists to communicate with others while making it seem like nothing suspicious is happening. Read more about how disappearing messages work.

2. Multiple Social Media and Fake Accounts

Narcissists may maintain multiple social media profiles to deceive their partners and manipulate different people. They often:

  • Use burner accounts to flirt or communicate with new targets.

  • Have a “clean” public account that shows a perfect image while using secret accounts for cheating.

  • Block certain people from viewing their stories or posts to control their narrative.

They might also use Facebook’s “restricted list” feature to hide updates from specific people while appearing as if they haven’t blocked them. Learn how fake social media accounts are used for deception.

3. Hidden Phone Features and Apps

Many smartphones come with features that can be exploited for deception. Narcissists may use:

  • Private browsing mode (Incognito mode) to prevent a history trail.

  • Dual SIM cards or burner phones to maintain secret relationships.

  • App lockers that require a password to access certain apps or conversations.

  • Google Voice or Skype numbers to communicate without using their real phone number.

These tools help them maintain multiple relationships or lie about their activities without leaving evidence behind.

Spyware and Surveillance Tools

4. Keyloggers and Spyware

Some narcissists take control to an extreme level by secretly installing spyware or keyloggers on their partner’s devices. These tools allow them to:

  • Read messages and emails.

  • Monitor browsing history.

  • Track locations through GPS.

  • Eavesdrop on conversations.

Popular spyware tools include FlexiSPY, mSpy, and Hoverwatch, which can be used to monitor a victim’s activity without their knowledge. Find out more about how spyware invades privacy.

5. Tracking Devices and GPS Manipulation

A narcissist may use tracking devices to know where their partner is at all times. This can include:

  • AirTags or Tile trackers placed in a partner’s bag or car.

  • Shared location services like Find My iPhone or Google Maps location sharing.

  • Fake GPS apps to lie about their own whereabouts.

These tools help them create a false sense of security while continuing their deception.

Internet Tactics for Hiding Their Tracks

6. Incognito Mode and VPNs

To hide their online activities, narcissists often use:

  • Incognito mode to prevent browser history from being saved.

  • VPN services to mask their IP address and access sites without being traced.

  • Proxy servers to appear as if they are browsing from another location.

This makes it harder for their partner to discover suspicious online activities.

7. Disposable Email Addresses

A narcissist may create multiple email accounts to register on dating sites or communicate with secret contacts. Services like ProtonMail, Temp-Mail, and Guerilla Mail allow them to send and receive emails without leaving a permanent record.

8. Hiding Transactions and Financial Activity

To cover up financial deception, narcissists may:

  • Use cryptocurrency for untraceable transactions.

  • Withdraw small amounts of cash over time to avoid suspicion.

  • Use prepaid debit cards or PayPal accounts under fake names.

  • Create bogus business transactions to justify unusual spending.

These tactics help them fund secret affairs, gifts for other partners, or maintain a hidden life without raising red flags.

Behavioral Tactics to Avoid Detection

9. Gaslighting and Denial

When confronted, narcissists rely on psychological manipulation to make you doubt what you’ve seen or heard. They may:

  • Deny everything, even when presented with evidence.

  • Accuse you of being paranoid or overly suspicious.

  • Twist the story to make themselves the victim.

  • Minimize their actions, saying things like “It was just a joke” or “You’re overreacting.”

This leaves you questioning your own reality, making it harder to hold them accountable.

10. Creating Fake Alibis and Using Friends

To cover their tracks, narcissists often:

  • Ask friends to lie for them (“Tell her I was with you last night.”)

  • Stage fake evidence (sending texts that say, “Just working late” while they’re on a date with someone else).

  • Blame others (“That wasn’t me; someone must have hacked my account.”)

By crafting a believable story, they make it difficult to prove their deception.

11. Stonewalling and Deflection

If they feel they are close to being exposed, narcissists will:

  • Refuse to discuss the issue.

  • Change the subject.

  • Accuse you of being controlling.

This tactic ensures that the conversation never focuses on their actions but instead turns into an argument about something unrelated.

Protecting Yourself from a Deceptive Narcissist

If you suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist who is hiding their deception, consider these steps:

  • Do not openly confront them until you have solid proof.

  • Secure your own devices (change passwords, enable two-factor authentication).

  • Check for spyware on your phone and laptop.

  • Avoid sharing your location or sensitive information.

  • Seek support from a trusted friend, therapist, or support group.

  • Consider leaving the relationship if deception is persistent.

Conclusion

Narcissists are highly skilled at deception and will use any tool available to maintain control and avoid exposure. From secret messaging apps and tracking devices to psychological manipulation, they go to great lengths to protect their lies.

By recognizing these red flags, you can take proactive steps to safeguard yourself and break free from their toxic cycle. Remember, the best defense is awareness—stay informed and trust your instincts.