Apr 4, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, Resources, safety, Uncategorized
RED FLAG CHECKLIST
What to Watch For in Personal Relationships
Communication Red Flags
- ❌ They avoid honest conversations or shut down when things get real.
- ❌ You often feel confused or second-guess what they say.
- ❌ They blame you for everything — even their own behaviour.
- ❌ They twist your words or deny things they previously said.
- ❌ You’re walking on eggshells just to keep the peace.
Emotional Red Flags
- ❌ They love-bomb you early on (too much, too soon).
- ❌ Your gut often says, “Something feels off.”
- ❌ Your needs are minimized, mocked, or ignored.
- ❌ They guilt-trip you instead of owning their mistakes.
- ❌ You’re constantly feeling emotionally drained.
Psychological Red Flags
- ❌ They gaslight you — making you question your reality.
- ❌ You feel controlled, manipulated, or “managed.”
- ❌ They use silence or affection as punishment or reward.
- ❌ They’re jealous of your success or independence.
- ❌ They subtly (or not-so-subtly) try to isolate you from others.
❤️ Respect & Boundaries Red Flags
- ❌ They cross your boundaries — and laugh it off.
- ❌ They act entitled to your time, space, or body.
- ❌ You feel like you’re “too much” or “not enough.”
- ❌ They criticize you in ways that feel personal, not constructive.
- ❌ They disrespect your values, beliefs, or dreams.
Behaviour Red Flags
- ❌ They have a pattern of toxic or chaotic past relationships.
- ❌ You notice patterns of addiction, rage, or dishonesty.
- ❌ They lack empathy or dismiss your pain.
- ❌ They have a “one rule for me, another for you” mindset.
- ❌ You’re growing, healing, evolving… but they resist change.
✅ Quick Self-Check:
- Do I feel safe and respected?
- Am I free to express my truth?
- Does this connection support my well-being?
- Am I shrinking to make this work?
REMEMBER:
Red flags aren’t just warnings — they’re invitations to pause, reflect, and choose yourself first.
Apr 4, 2025 | Uncategorized
A healthy relationship should feel like a safe space—where you’re supported, respected, and valued. But when relationships turn toxic, they can chip away at your confidence, drain your energy, and leave deep emotional wounds. Toxic relationships are defined by patterns of manipulation, disrespect, imbalance of power, and emotional harm. They can exist between romantic partners, friends, family members, or even colleagues.
In this blog, we’ll explore 10 core elements of a toxic relationship, how they manifest in daily life, and what you can do if you’re caught in one. We’ll also provide resources for further support.
- Lack of Trust
Trust is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Without it, doubt and suspicion creep in, turning connection into constant anxiety. In toxic relationships, broken promises, secrecy, and dishonesty erode trust over time.
Example: You catch your partner in repeated lies—about where they’ve been or who they’re talking to. Even small lies begin to add up and make you question everything.
Action Step:
- Start tracking instances where trust has been broken. Reflect on how this affects your mental well-being.
- If you’re unsure whether your experience counts as toxic, Psychology Today offers a helpful checklist of unhealthy behaviours.
- Emotional Manipulation
This includes gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and blame-shifting—tools often used to distort your reality or make you question your own feelings and memory. Over time, emotional manipulation can deeply undermine your sense of self.
Example: You express discomfort about a situation, and instead of understanding, your partner accuses you of being “too sensitive” or “crazy.”
Action Step:
- Controlling Behaviour
One partner may dictate the other’s choices—from how they dress, who they see, or what they do with their time. This is not protection or care—it’s control.
Example: Your partner demands your passwords, controls your finances, or isolates you from family and friends under the guise of “love” or “concern.”
Action Step:
- Begin setting small boundaries—like reclaiming your schedule or reconnecting with friends. Keep a journal to document reactions.
- Verbal or Physical Abuse
Toxic relationships may include verbal abuse (name-calling, threats, belittling) or physical abuse. No form of abuse is ever acceptable. Verbal abuse can be as damaging as physical violence, especially when it becomes a regular occurrence.
Example: You’re constantly yelled at, mocked, or made to feel small during disagreements.
Action Step:
- If you’re experiencing abuse, seek immediate help from professionals. In Australia, call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit 1800respect.org.au.
- Lack of Boundaries
In toxic dynamics, your personal limits may be ignored or constantly pushed. Your time, space, privacy, and values might be dismissed as unimportant.
Example: You’ve said you need time alone, but your partner shows up uninvited or texts relentlessly until you respond.
Action Step:
- Practice boundary-setting language like: “I need some time to myself right now. Please respect that.”
- Constant Criticism
Criticism in toxic relationships is rarely constructive—it’s a tool to tear you down. It can be relentless and personal, eroding your self-worth.
Example: Your partner constantly comments on your appearance, job performance, or decisions in a way that makes you feel inadequate.
Action Step:
- Affirm your own worth. Write down five strengths or things you love about yourself.
- Consider seeking therapy to rebuild confidence. Online platforms like BetterHelp or MindSpot (Australia-based) can help.
- Unresolved Conflict
Disagreements are normal—but in toxic relationships, conflicts often spiral without resolution. Issues fester, leading to resentment and repeated arguments.
Example: Every time you try to bring up a concern, it turns into a shouting match, or the issue is swept under the rug.
Action Step:
- Practice “non-violent communication” and see if your partner is willing to meet you halfway.
- Lack of Emotional Support
You deserve a relationship where your feelings are seen and heard. In toxic relationships, emotional support is often absent—or worse, your emotions are belittled or mocked.
Example: When you’re stressed or upset, your partner minimizes your feelings or says you’re being “dramatic.”
Action Step:
- Reach out to a friend or therapist who does offer empathy and validation. Rebuild your emotional support network outside the toxic relationship.
- Imbalance of Power
Power dynamics in a toxic relationship often skew dramatically in one person’s favour. This might look like financial control, decision-making dominance, or emotional manipulation.
Example: Your partner makes all the decisions, and you feel like you have no say, even in matters that affect your life.
Action Step:
- Start reclaiming autonomy in small areas: your money, time, or hobbies.
- Destructive Patterns
Whether it’s repeated cycles of abuse, cheating, addiction, or stonewalling, toxic relationships often follow predictable, harmful patterns that never change.
Example: Your partner apologises after each fight and promises to change—but the behaviour always returns.
Action Step:
- Identify the pattern. Draw a timeline if needed.
- Consider whether you’re being offered genuine change or simply more empty promises. The Cycle of Abuse resource may help you recognise patterns.
Final Thoughts: Healing Is Possible
Recognising that you’re in a toxic relationship is the first—and often hardest—step. It takes courage to admit something is wrong, especially when love, history, or fear are involved. But staying in a toxic relationship can cost you your self-esteem, emotional health, and even your physical safety.
You deserve better. You deserve a relationship that nourishes, uplifts, and respects you.
Resources for Support:
- Australia: 1800 RESPECT – 24/7 support for family and domestic violence.
- Global: Love Is Respect – Relationship education and support for young adults.
- Mental Health: MindSpot Clinic – Free online assessment and therapy for Australians.
- Counselling & Therapy: BetterHelp – Affordable online therapy.
Next Steps:
- Reflect: Which of the 10 signs resonate with your experience?
- Journal: Keep track of patterns, thoughts, and emotions.
- Reach out: Speak to someone you trust or contact a professional.
- Set boundaries: Start with one small area of your life.
- Plan an exit: If the relationship is unsafe, begin planning how to leave with support.
You are not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck. Healthy, respectful relationships are possible. Healing begins with awareness and the bravery to put yourself first.
Apr 2, 2025 | Narcissistic Abuse, Uncategorized
Introduction
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and damaging. Narcissists often have inflated egos, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy, making it difficult for their partners to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.
In this article, we will explore the key signs that indicate you may be in a relationship with a narcissist, including covert narcissism tactics. Understanding these behaviours can help you recognize the warning signs, set boundaries, and protect your mental well-being.
Key Signs of Narcissistic Behaviour
1. Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance
A narcissist often has an exaggerated sense of their own achievements, talents, or abilities. They constantly seek admiration and attention, believing they are superior to others. This can manifest as:
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Bragging excessively about their successes while dismissing others’ accomplishments.
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Acting as though they are the smartest person in the room and refusing to listen to others.
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Exaggerating their influence or connections to make themselves seem more important.
Example: Your partner constantly reminds you that they are the reason for your success, taking credit for your achievements, and belittling your contributions.
2. Lack of Empathy
Narcissists struggle to empathize with others, making them dismissive or indifferent to your emotions and needs. They rarely take responsibility for their actions and may even blame you for their shortcomings.
Example: When you express feeling hurt by something they said, they respond with, “You’re too sensitive. I was just joking.” Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they dismiss them.
3. Manipulation and Exploitation
Narcissists use manipulation to get what they want. They often employ covert narcissistic tactics such as:
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Gaslighting: Making you question your reality by denying things they said or did.
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Triangulation: Bringing in a third party to manipulate or control the situation.
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Silent Treatment: Ignoring you as a form of punishment and control.
Example: You catch your partner flirting with someone else, and when you confront them, they say, “You’re imagining things. You’re just insecure.” This is classic gaslighting.
4. Excessive Need for Admiration
Narcissists crave constant validation. They fish for compliments, brag about their achievements, and demand praise.
Example: They post pictures on social media daily, seeking validation, and become upset if they don’t get enough likes or comments.
5. Sense of Entitlement
They believe they deserve special treatment and expect others to cater to their needs without question.
Example: Your partner expects you to prioritize their plans but refuses to accommodate yours, making excuses about why their needs are more important.
6. Lack of Accountability
Narcissists avoid taking responsibility for their actions and blame others for their mistakes.
Example: If they forget your anniversary, instead of apologizing, they say, “You should have reminded me.”
7. Emotional Volatility and Mood Swings
They can be charming one moment and aggressive the next, especially when their ego is threatened.
Example: They shower you with affection in public but criticize you behind closed doors if you don’t meet their expectations.
8. Difficulty Accepting Criticism
Even constructive criticism is seen as an attack, leading to defensiveness or hostility.
Example: If you gently suggest a way they could improve, they lash out, saying, “You always find something wrong with me!”
9. Lack of Genuine Intimacy
Narcissists struggle with forming deep, authentic emotional connections. They often maintain surface-level relationships that serve their interests.
Example: You realize they never truly listen when you share your feelings or struggles, only engaging in conversations when they are the focus.
How Covert Narcissism Differs
Covert narcissists are more subtle in their tactics, making them harder to identify. Unlike overt narcissists who seek attention openly, covert narcissists use:
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Passive-aggression – Making subtle, cutting remarks that undermine your confidence.
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Victimhood – Playing the victim to avoid responsibility.
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Fake Humility – Pretending to be modest while subtly seeking admiration.
Example: Instead of bragging outright, they might say, “I always work so hard, but no one appreciates me.” This invites compliments and sympathy.
Coping Strategies: How to Protect Yourself
If you recognize these behaviours in your partner, here are steps to safeguard your well-being:
1. Establish Firm Boundaries
Clearly define what behaviour you will and won’t tolerate. Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries.
Example: If they use the silent treatment as punishment, let them know you will not engage until they communicate respectfully
Mar 30, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, safety, Uncategorized
What is Crazy Making?
Crazy making is a form of psychological manipulation that distorts reality, leaving victims feeling confused, emotionally drained, and doubting their own perceptions. It often occurs in relationships with narcissists or other manipulative individuals who use a series of tactics to create instability and maintain control over their victims. These tactics include gaslighting, denial, projection, shifting blame, and contradictory behavior, making it difficult for the victim to distinguish between truth and manipulation (Psychology Today).
How Crazy Making Works
The primary goal of crazy making is to destabilize the victim’s perception of reality. Some common tactics used by manipulators include:
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Gaslighting: This involves denying facts, twisting events, and making the victim question their memory and sanity (Psychology Today).
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Contradictory Statements: The manipulator frequently changes their stance or tells conflicting stories to create confusion.
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Blame Shifting: They refuse accountability and place the blame on the victim, making them feel responsible for the manipulator’s actions.
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Projection: Accusing the victim of behaviors the manipulator is actually engaging in, making it difficult for the victim to defend themselves.
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Emotional Manipulation: Playing on the victim’s emotions, alternating between affection and cruelty to keep them on edge.
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Silent Treatment & Withholding: Ignoring the victim or withholding affection as a means of control and punishment (National Domestic Violence Hotline).
The Psychological Impact of Crazy Making
Being subjected to crazy making can have profound and lasting effects on a person’s mental health, including:
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Chronic Stress and Anxiety: Constant confusion and self-doubt create a high-stress environment that can lead to anxiety disorders.
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Depression: The emotional toll of feeling invalidated and powerless can contribute to depression and low self-worth.
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Cognitive Dissonance: The victim struggles to reconcile contradictory information, leading to mental exhaustion.
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Loss of Self-Trust: Continuous manipulation erodes the victim’s confidence in their own judgment and perceptions.
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PTSD and C-PTSD: Prolonged exposure to crazy making can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, especially in cases of ongoing emotional abuse (Verywell Mind).
Recognizing and Protecting Yourself from Crazy Making
Awareness is the first step in breaking free from crazy making. Here are some strategies to protect yourself:
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Trust Your Perceptions: If something feels off, trust your instincts. Keep a journal to document conversations and events.
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Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviors you will and will not tolerate. Enforce consequences for boundary violations.
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Limit Engagement: Minimize interactions with manipulators and avoid arguing with them, as they thrive on control and chaos.
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Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist for validation and guidance.
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Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote mental well-being, such as meditation, exercise, and mindfulness.
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Educate Yourself: Understanding manipulation tactics can empower you to recognize and counteract them effectively.
Final Thoughts
Crazy making is a dangerous psychological manipulation tactic that can leave victims feeling lost, confused, and emotionally drained. Recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps to protect yourself can help you regain control over your mental well-being. You deserve clarity, validation, and healthy relationships. If you’ve been affected by crazy making, seeking professional support can help you heal and rebuild your confidence.
Tags: #CrazyMaking #Gaslighting #PsychologicalManipulation #MentalHealth #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #SelfCare
Mar 30, 2025 | Health, Narcissistic Abuse, safety, Uncategorized
Breaking free from narcissistic abuse requires not just mental reframing but also physical grounding. By pairing these powerful mantras with intentional breathing exercises, you can reinforce your healing process and regulate your nervous system.
Mantra & Breathwork Practice
Each mantra below is paired with a specific breathing technique to enhance its impact. Practice these daily in a quiet space, allowing yourself to fully absorb their healing energy.
1. Letting Go of Responsibility
Mantra: “I am not responsible for the narcissist’s actions or behaviour. I am only responsible for my own healing and well-being.”
Breathwork: 4-7-8 Breathing (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds)
Purpose: Releases anxiety and resets your nervous system.
2. Affirming Self-Worth
Mantra: “I am worthy of love, respect, and healthy relationships. I deserve to be treated with kindness, empathy, and understanding.”
Breathwork: Heart-Centered Breathing (Inhale deeply while imagining love entering your heart, exhale releasing self-doubt)
Purpose: Cultivates self-love and confidence.
3. Reclaiming Identity
Mantra: “I am not defined by the narcissist’s perception of me. I am my own unique, authentic self, and I will honour and embrace my true identity.”
Breathwork: Box Breathing (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4)
Purpose: Grounds you in your true self.
4. Setting Boundaries
Mantra: “I will set healthy boundaries to protect myself from further harm. I have the right to say ‘no’ and prioritize my own well-being.”
Breathwork: Lion’s Breath (Inhale deeply through your nose, exhale strongly through your mouth with a ‘ha’ sound)
Purpose: Releases tension and empowers assertiveness.
5. Releasing the Need for Validation
Mantra: “I release the need for approval and validation from the narcissist. I am enough just as I am, and I don’t need their validation to feel worthy.”
Breathwork: Alternate Nostril Breathing (Close right nostril, inhale through left; switch nostrils and exhale)
Purpose: Balances emotions and promotes inner peace.
6. Taking Back Control
Mantra: “I will not allow the narcissist to control or manipulate me any longer. I am in charge of my own life and choices.”
Breathwork: Power Breathing (Inhale deeply through nose, exhale forcefully through mouth)
Purpose: Builds strength and personal empowerment.
7. Practicing Self-Care
Mantra: “I will practice self-care and self-compassion. I deserve to prioritize my own physical, emotional, and mental well-being.”
Breathwork: Ocean Breath (Ujjayi) (Inhale and exhale through nose with slight throat constriction)
Purpose: Soothes and calms the mind.
8. Releasing Self-Blame
Mantra: “I will not blame myself for the narcissist’s behaviour. I did not cause it, and I cannot change it. I will focus on my own healing and growth.”
Breathwork: Sighing Breath (Deep inhale through nose, loud sigh on exhale)
Purpose: Releases stored guilt and tension.
9. Surrounding Yourself with Support
Mantra: “I will surround myself with supportive and healthy relationships. I deserve to be surrounded by people who lift me up and support my healing journey.”
Breathwork: Gratitude Breathing (Inhale gratitude, exhale negativity)
Purpose: Encourages connection and openness.
10. Embracing Resilience
Mantra: “I am resilient and capable of healing from the wounds of narcissistic abuse. I will take each step at my own pace and celebrate my progress.”
Breathwork: Deep Belly Breathing (Breathe deeply into the diaphragm, expanding belly)
Purpose: Strengthens inner resilience and calm.
Final Reflection:
Healing from narcissistic abuse takes time and conscious effort. Be patient with yourself, seek supportive relationships, and make self-care a priority. Combining these mantras with breathwork creates a powerful tool for reclaiming your strength, inner peace, and self-worth. You are not alone, and you deserve a life free from toxicity and full of love and self-empowerment.
Mar 29, 2025 | Narcissistic Abuse, safety, Uncategorized
The Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Deception, Lies, and Cheating
Introduction
Narcissists are masters of deception, using a combination of technology, manipulation tactics, and behavioral strategies to conceal their lies and cheating. Whether in a romantic relationship, business setting, or social environment, they will go to great lengths to avoid being exposed.
Understanding the tools they use can help you identify red flags and protect yourself from being manipulated. This article explores the apps, spyware, internet tactics, and behaviors narcissists use to cover their tracks and maintain control over their victims.
Digital Tools Narcissists Use to Hide Their Lies
1. Secret Messaging Apps
Narcissists who cheat or engage in secretive activities often use messaging apps designed to hide conversations. These apps provide disappearing messages, encrypted chats, and hidden features that make it difficult for their partners or victims to discover the truth.
Common Apps Used:
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WhatsApp (end-to-end encryption, disappearing messages)
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Telegram (self-destructing messages, secret chats)
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Signal (secure messaging with auto-delete options)
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Vault Apps (such as Calculator+, which disguises chats as a calculator app)
These tools allow narcissists to communicate with others while making it seem like nothing suspicious is happening. Read more about how disappearing messages work.
2. Multiple Social Media and Fake Accounts
Narcissists may maintain multiple social media profiles to deceive their partners and manipulate different people. They often:
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Use burner accounts to flirt or communicate with new targets.
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Have a “clean” public account that shows a perfect image while using secret accounts for cheating.
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Block certain people from viewing their stories or posts to control their narrative.
They might also use Facebook’s “restricted list” feature to hide updates from specific people while appearing as if they haven’t blocked them. Learn how fake social media accounts are used for deception.
3. Hidden Phone Features and Apps
Many smartphones come with features that can be exploited for deception. Narcissists may use:
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Private browsing mode (Incognito mode) to prevent a history trail.
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Dual SIM cards or burner phones to maintain secret relationships.
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App lockers that require a password to access certain apps or conversations.
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Google Voice or Skype numbers to communicate without using their real phone number.
These tools help them maintain multiple relationships or lie about their activities without leaving evidence behind.
Spyware and Surveillance Tools
4. Keyloggers and Spyware
Some narcissists take control to an extreme level by secretly installing spyware or keyloggers on their partner’s devices. These tools allow them to:
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Read messages and emails.
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Monitor browsing history.
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Track locations through GPS.
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Eavesdrop on conversations.
Popular spyware tools include FlexiSPY, mSpy, and Hoverwatch, which can be used to monitor a victim’s activity without their knowledge. Find out more about how spyware invades privacy.
5. Tracking Devices and GPS Manipulation
A narcissist may use tracking devices to know where their partner is at all times. This can include:
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AirTags or Tile trackers placed in a partner’s bag or car.
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Shared location services like Find My iPhone or Google Maps location sharing.
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Fake GPS apps to lie about their own whereabouts.
These tools help them create a false sense of security while continuing their deception.
Internet Tactics for Hiding Their Tracks
6. Incognito Mode and VPNs
To hide their online activities, narcissists often use:
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Incognito mode to prevent browser history from being saved.
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VPN services to mask their IP address and access sites without being traced.
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Proxy servers to appear as if they are browsing from another location.
This makes it harder for their partner to discover suspicious online activities.
7. Disposable Email Addresses
A narcissist may create multiple email accounts to register on dating sites or communicate with secret contacts. Services like ProtonMail, Temp-Mail, and Guerilla Mail allow them to send and receive emails without leaving a permanent record.
8. Hiding Transactions and Financial Activity
To cover up financial deception, narcissists may:
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Use cryptocurrency for untraceable transactions.
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Withdraw small amounts of cash over time to avoid suspicion.
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Use prepaid debit cards or PayPal accounts under fake names.
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Create bogus business transactions to justify unusual spending.
These tactics help them fund secret affairs, gifts for other partners, or maintain a hidden life without raising red flags.
Behavioral Tactics to Avoid Detection
9. Gaslighting and Denial
When confronted, narcissists rely on psychological manipulation to make you doubt what you’ve seen or heard. They may:
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Deny everything, even when presented with evidence.
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Accuse you of being paranoid or overly suspicious.
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Twist the story to make themselves the victim.
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Minimize their actions, saying things like “It was just a joke” or “You’re overreacting.”
This leaves you questioning your own reality, making it harder to hold them accountable.
10. Creating Fake Alibis and Using Friends
To cover their tracks, narcissists often:
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Ask friends to lie for them (“Tell her I was with you last night.”)
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Stage fake evidence (sending texts that say, “Just working late” while they’re on a date with someone else).
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Blame others (“That wasn’t me; someone must have hacked my account.”)
By crafting a believable story, they make it difficult to prove their deception.
11. Stonewalling and Deflection
If they feel they are close to being exposed, narcissists will:
This tactic ensures that the conversation never focuses on their actions but instead turns into an argument about something unrelated.
Protecting Yourself from a Deceptive Narcissist
If you suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist who is hiding their deception, consider these steps:
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Do not openly confront them until you have solid proof.
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Secure your own devices (change passwords, enable two-factor authentication).
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Check for spyware on your phone and laptop.
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Avoid sharing your location or sensitive information.
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Seek support from a trusted friend, therapist, or support group.
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Consider leaving the relationship if deception is persistent.
Conclusion
Narcissists are highly skilled at deception and will use any tool available to maintain control and avoid exposure. From secret messaging apps and tracking devices to psychological manipulation, they go to great lengths to protect their lies.
By recognizing these red flags, you can take proactive steps to safeguard yourself and break free from their toxic cycle. Remember, the best defense is awareness—stay informed and trust your instincts.
