A healthy relationship should feel like a safe space—where you’re supported, respected, and valued. But when relationships turn toxic, they can chip away at your confidence, drain your energy, and leave deep emotional wounds. Toxic relationships are defined by patterns of manipulation, disrespect, imbalance of power, and emotional harm. They can exist between romantic partners, friends, family members, or even colleagues.
In this blog, we’ll explore 10 core elements of a toxic relationship, how they manifest in daily life, and what you can do if you’re caught in one. We’ll also provide resources for further support.
- Lack of Trust
Trust is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Without it, doubt and suspicion creep in, turning connection into constant anxiety. In toxic relationships, broken promises, secrecy, and dishonesty erode trust over time.
Example: You catch your partner in repeated lies—about where they’ve been or who they’re talking to. Even small lies begin to add up and make you question everything.
Action Step:
- Start tracking instances where trust has been broken. Reflect on how this affects your mental well-being.
- If you’re unsure whether your experience counts as toxic, Psychology Today offers a helpful checklist of unhealthy behaviours.
- Emotional Manipulation
This includes gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and blame-shifting—tools often used to distort your reality or make you question your own feelings and memory. Over time, emotional manipulation can deeply undermine your sense of self.
Example: You express discomfort about a situation, and instead of understanding, your partner accuses you of being “too sensitive” or “crazy.”
Action Step:
- Learn to identify gaslighting. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a guide to help you spot and navigate this insidious tactic.
- Controlling Behaviour
One partner may dictate the other’s choices—from how they dress, who they see, or what they do with their time. This is not protection or care—it’s control.
Example: Your partner demands your passwords, controls your finances, or isolates you from family and friends under the guise of “love” or “concern.”
Action Step:
- Begin setting small boundaries—like reclaiming your schedule or reconnecting with friends. Keep a journal to document reactions.
- ReachOut Australia offers practical tips for setting and reinforcing healthy boundaries.
- Verbal or Physical Abuse
Toxic relationships may include verbal abuse (name-calling, threats, belittling) or physical abuse. No form of abuse is ever acceptable. Verbal abuse can be as damaging as physical violence, especially when it becomes a regular occurrence.
Example: You’re constantly yelled at, mocked, or made to feel small during disagreements.
Action Step:
- If you’re experiencing abuse, seek immediate help from professionals. In Australia, call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit 1800respect.org.au.
- Lack of Boundaries
In toxic dynamics, your personal limits may be ignored or constantly pushed. Your time, space, privacy, and values might be dismissed as unimportant.
Example: You’ve said you need time alone, but your partner shows up uninvited or texts relentlessly until you respond.
Action Step:
- Practice boundary-setting language like: “I need some time to myself right now. Please respect that.”
- Read Nedra Glover Tawwab’s work for boundary-setting strategies from a licensed therapist.
- Constant Criticism
Criticism in toxic relationships is rarely constructive—it’s a tool to tear you down. It can be relentless and personal, eroding your self-worth.
Example: Your partner constantly comments on your appearance, job performance, or decisions in a way that makes you feel inadequate.
Action Step:
- Affirm your own worth. Write down five strengths or things you love about yourself.
- Consider seeking therapy to rebuild confidence. Online platforms like BetterHelp or MindSpot (Australia-based) can help.
- Unresolved Conflict
Disagreements are normal—but in toxic relationships, conflicts often spiral without resolution. Issues fester, leading to resentment and repeated arguments.
Example: Every time you try to bring up a concern, it turns into a shouting match, or the issue is swept under the rug.
Action Step:
- Practice “non-violent communication” and see if your partner is willing to meet you halfway.
- The Gottman Institute offers excellent research-backed relationship tools.
- Lack of Emotional Support
You deserve a relationship where your feelings are seen and heard. In toxic relationships, emotional support is often absent—or worse, your emotions are belittled or mocked.
Example: When you’re stressed or upset, your partner minimizes your feelings or says you’re being “dramatic.”
Action Step:
- Reach out to a friend or therapist who does offer empathy and validation. Rebuild your emotional support network outside the toxic relationship.
- Imbalance of Power
Power dynamics in a toxic relationship often skew dramatically in one person’s favour. This might look like financial control, decision-making dominance, or emotional manipulation.
Example: Your partner makes all the decisions, and you feel like you have no say, even in matters that affect your life.
Action Step:
- Start reclaiming autonomy in small areas: your money, time, or hobbies.
- If you’re unsure about your rights, Relationships Australia provides counselling and legal referrals.
- Destructive Patterns
Whether it’s repeated cycles of abuse, cheating, addiction, or stonewalling, toxic relationships often follow predictable, harmful patterns that never change.
Example: Your partner apologises after each fight and promises to change—but the behaviour always returns.
Action Step:
- Identify the pattern. Draw a timeline if needed.
- Consider whether you’re being offered genuine change or simply more empty promises. The Cycle of Abuse resource may help you recognise patterns.
Final Thoughts: Healing Is Possible
Recognising that you’re in a toxic relationship is the first—and often hardest—step. It takes courage to admit something is wrong, especially when love, history, or fear are involved. But staying in a toxic relationship can cost you your self-esteem, emotional health, and even your physical safety.
You deserve better. You deserve a relationship that nourishes, uplifts, and respects you.
Resources for Support:
- Australia: 1800 RESPECT – 24/7 support for family and domestic violence.
- Global: Love Is Respect – Relationship education and support for young adults.
- Mental Health: MindSpot Clinic – Free online assessment and therapy for Australians.
- Counselling & Therapy: BetterHelp – Affordable online therapy.
Next Steps:
- Reflect: Which of the 10 signs resonate with your experience?
- Journal: Keep track of patterns, thoughts, and emotions.
- Reach out: Speak to someone you trust or contact a professional.
- Set boundaries: Start with one small area of your life.
- Plan an exit: If the relationship is unsafe, begin planning how to leave with support.
You are not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck. Healthy, respectful relationships are possible. Healing begins with awareness and the bravery to put yourself first.